I’ve been wearing my normal jeans and unbuttoning them when needed. Most days I could keep them buttoned, but every so often I’d get da bloats and zzzzzzzip, down those suckers came.
Then one day (like, um, yesterday) I bloated and it stayed put.
chuhhh…
But this baby bump isn’t all cute and smooth like the first time around. Oh, no. Now? Now, it’s got that saggy, deflated balloon pouch from my first pregnancy just hanging off it like, “S’up? Oooh, I’m not going to fill back out until month 9, motha sucka!”
My baby bump is all mushy and lumpy like…oh, like this…
(Makes me think holy mother of mercy, what does Michelle Duggar’s stomach look like?!?!?)
But honestly, it’s not just the old baby pooch. All the fat deposits that look perfectly fine when my uterus isn’t the size of a cantaloupe are being shoved front and center, adding to the overall lumpiness. Only lithe teenagers who get knocked up in the backseat of their boyfriend’s Hyundai have those Parent’s magazine worthy bumps at week 12, so I’m air-brushing my own bump into respectability with a Bella Band. (It’s also what’s holding my unbuttoned pants up.)
Good times. Good times.
