We took Elizabeth to see Disney’s Beauty and the Beast at our local community theater on Saturday. All I’ll say is: It’s community theater. Period.
(In honor of bad theater, this post is written in play format.)
Elizabeth: I want to see the beast.
Me: Hon, you aren’t going to see the real beast, okay? It’s just some people playing dress up and pretending.
Old Woman Selling Raffle Tickets: *screams* 50/50 RAFFLE!!!!
Elizabeth: I want a ticket!
Me: No, sweetie, you don’t want that.
Elizabeth: I want to win a surprise!
Me: Hon, the “surprise” is a gift certificate to a crappy restaurant. Trust me, you don’t want it.
Family sits down and watches play.
Elizabeth: That’s not Belle! That’s not the beast!
Me: They are people playing dress up, remember?
Elizabeth: I’m going to win the surprise.
Me: *sigh* Elizabeth, we didn’t buy a ticket. You aren’t going to win the gift certificate.
Elizabeth: Yes. I’m going to get my surprise after this.
Me: Elizabeth. LET IT GO. Just watch the play, okay? Stop talking about the stupid raffle.
Elizabeth: The beast has horns out of his head! *lifts up pieces of her hair like horns*
Me: It’s just makeup. He’s just some guy wearing makeup.
Elizabeth: Yeah! He has makeup EYEBROWS!!!
Me: Oookay.
Elizabeth: *loudly* Mommy, why don’t you clap? Don’t you like it?
People laugh and look at us.
Elizabeth: I can’t wait for my surprise.
Me: *getting pissed* Elizabeth, YOU AREN’T GOING TO WIN.
Elizabeth: I AM GOING TO WIN. It’s a puppy.
Me: It’s not a puppy! It’s a freaking gift certificate to a nasty restaurant! Will you just watch the play???
Elizabeth: The beast killed the wolves!
Me: They aren’t real wolves. They are dancers.
Elizabeth: The beast killed the dancers!
Me: ……
Announcer calls raffle ticket winner. Someone squeals over stupid gift certificate.
Elizabeth: OH! I DIDN’T WIN!
Me: I told you! We never bought a ticket!
Elizabeth: But it’s MY surprise! I want my surprise! *starts crying*
Me: Gawd. I’m ready to go home.
~Fin~
Also? A dancer’s dress fell completely off and the whole audience saw her in her Spanx glory. I laughed loudly and inappropriately. It was the best part of the whole play.
7 comments:
Ha ha...forget about the play, I think they should have sold tickets to watch you & Elizabeth.
Hilarious!
Yup, that would have been the best part of the play in my book too.
This is hilarious!
hahahah.
A and I have gone to so many bad shows over the last few months (friends involved in each of them, unfortunately) that we've decided to give ourselves the gift of a GOOD show soon. Thank goodness for the Broadway series at TPAC. Although I'm pushing for an Atlanta trip :)
I would have loudly and inappropriately laughed at the same point.
OH man...that would definitely of caused me o LOL inappropriately. And...what IS inappropriate? I think it's totally the /appropriate/ time to laugh when something like THAT happens! Buahha!
I feel like I was there..........
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