Hmmm. Must just be me.
Kevin is an only child with parents who firmly believe their life should revolve totally around him, and all holidays (including Memorial Day…I’m dead serious) should be spent with Precious. When we first got married, his mom would beg and cry (yes, internets, CRY) because we didn’t want to travel 4 hours to their house and hang out every other weekend.
Because, duh! Every newlywed couple wants to hang out with Mommy!
*Shudder*
The memories. The nightmares. The STUPID fights we would have about it.
(Did I mention Kevin was 31 when we got married? Yeah, that adds a whole ‘nother level of psycho into the mix.)
Since I’m not…you know, an orphan…I like to visit my family, too. They’re big. And loud. And laid back. You can cozy up to the Thanksgiving table in sweatpants and no one cares. We have fun there—while at his parent’s house, the four of us sit silently around the table and listen to the grandfather clock tick.
Honestly? Holidays for the first four years of my marriage were pure hell. I hated fighting about where to spend Christmas and how to make his parents feel better because we didn’t want to spend New Year’s with them. I hated having to stand up and say, “No, I’m NOT dragging a newborn across two states in the dead of winter,” and then deal with the sobbing guilt trips. I hated feeling guilty during “my turn” at my parent’s house because his parents were moping all alone at theirs.
Six years later, I like to think we’ve got this crap figured out. His parents moved to our town, so the huge stress of ridiculous bi-weekly visits is out of our marriage. Everyone lives close enough that holidays are short and sweet, and we can escape back to our own home when we’ve had enough. Problem solved, right?
Then why am I still fighting with my husband over what to do Christmas morning?
His parents want to come over and watch Elizabeth tear into her gifts. As soon as she wakes up and starts screaming about Santa, they want to be called so they can horn in on our family Christmas.
Sorry, but I see Christmas morning as a special time between parents and their young children. Kids are supposed to wake up at 6 am, charge down the stairs, and rip into their new toys while Mom and Dad pour coffee straight down their throats and snap pictures. It’s tradition, people.
It’s not tradition to throw a 4 year old in restraints and say, “No, no! We have to wait for Grandma and Grandpa to get dressed and drive over here. Don’t touch…just look.”
The Great Compromise of 2009 has been reached: We’ll spend the early morning alone with the big E, his parents will come over at 10 or 11, and my parents will get there whenever Mom actually finishes perfecting her 80’s hair and layers of blue eyeshadow (dinner time).
Now, have a Merry Christmas and back the F off.
23 comments:
I wish there was a way to sweetly, yet very firmly (oxymoron) tell his parents to back the fuck up. I mean, it's nice that they want to spend time with y'all, but you need your own traditions, right? I think that's something that our parents generation tends to forget. I mean, what did they do when their parents were all up in their shizzz for holidays?
I don't have much room to talk because we bounce across 5 counties to be sure everyone is visited, which is my issue. WHY the hell can't they drive to us?
Until I come up with a scheme to get them to my house, I'll continue to drive across Texas to have a merry effing Christmas :)
Yeah... I feel for ya. Though I'm also glad my in-laws haven't done the move up to live by us. 5 1/2 hours away is good, thanks. We've visited three times in the last three months -- they haven't been here in 18 months -- and they're upset that we're not coming down for Christmas. We invited them, but it's "too much of a hassle" for them to make it. Whatever.
I'm with you on the presents, etc. My parents like to see it, too. But we do stocking as soon as the wee ones wake up, and that suffices for awhile. My parents will get to our house around 8, and they bring their own set of presents, so that allows them to enjoy seeing the opening frenzy. This year, I think they might actually not come until 11 though. Knock on wood!
Good luck -- and know you aren't alone!
It was stuff like this (only it was my mom!) that was part of the reason I moved across the country!! Put your foot down - Christmas morning is for you and your child. They can come over later with their gifts and watch her tear into them.
No - you are not alone!
I feel your pain! My parents, my sister AND her boyfriend will be at my door at 6:30am on Christmas morning even before my kids are up (they leave their house at 4am - insanity!). I get woken up by them way before the kids wake up. That's been the trade off for not having to load up both kids and drag them half-way across the state for Christmas. They insist on being there to see the kids open the Santa presents which I don't understand. They had their years of seeing that with their own children -- like you said, just back the F off!
After a few years of having my children be startled by all of the loud noisy people in the livingroom at an early hour, Santa started leaving the stockings in their rooms for them to take thier time opening. It gives them a bit of time to wake up and get their bearings before being overwhelmed by the crowd. I try to sneak upstairs so I can see them open them if I hear them stirring.
Last year there was a snow storm so they couldn't make it. It was our best Christmas morning yet, with just the four of us. Bliss.
Hoping for more snow this year!
If not, maybe this year I'll leave the door unlocked with instructions to turn the coffee pot on and keep quiet until an actual child wakes me up.
Sounds like you guys came up with the perfect plan. Compromise is a great thing :)
Luckily my in laws live on the other side of the state so when & if we decide to do Christmas at their house, we spend Christmas Eve with my family & Christmas Day with them. It's worked great for the last 6 years, let hope it keeps going this way after we have kids.
My in-laws live on the opposite coast, but I can only imagine what kind of nightmare will be created regardless (my parents live here so I'm sure there will be some major issue when we try to go visit husband's parents). I am TOTALLY with you, though -- Christmas morning is for your own little family unit. They need to back off!
Now that is what I call a compromise.
And I totally agree with you, Christmas morning is just for parents and kids. No one else!!!
I am so glad to hear that it hasn't been only us for the last 25 years.
OMG! I thought my in-laws were bad! Yours make mine look like saints. I believe that Christmas morning is for the parents only too! Glad my in-laws live 2 hours away.
LOL! YEP! LovE IT!
I agree with you and think you're compromise is 100% fine!
We have been together a helluva long time and told both sets of families that once we had kids we were done with the driving. Lo and behold, last Christmas they came to us and you know what, it was divine! I told them our house was open from 10 am on and so that's when people showed up.
Girl, I feel you. We don't have kids yet, but it's been tricky enough for the two of us. Both of our sets of parents live in the same city of us (which you would think would make this easy), but they travel 9 hours away for big holidays because that's where both of their families are. So we're expected to go too, which for now is okay, but STRESSFUL since we have to stay in a hotel, etc. And let me tell you, there ain't no way in hell when we have kids I'm dragging them cross-country to see the family and spend Christmas in a hotel. Ugh.
Glad you found a compromise!
I think that the comprimise sounds good. We only have 1 child at this point, and he's only 3.5. I like having other people around for Christmas, but I totally GET wanting it to be a small, family thing. I don't fight w/my husband because I think a lot of years he has just deferred to me. we have lots of family and we do something different every year. Maybe when our kids get older, we'll want to be home.
We don't have kids yet, but I told DH early on that we would not split the holidays between families. We'll spend Thanksgiving with one family, then Christmas with the other, and switch the next year, so every other year each family will have the major holiday with them. All the other holidays are on a first come first serve basis.
New Year's Eve we host our own party. His folks normally come to that one. My mom doesn't but she lives out of town.
Totally agree - Christmas is for you, Kevin, and Elizabeth. Period.
We aren't going anywhere on Christmas day. Anyone is welcome to see us later in the day (say after 10), but before that no thanks.
I felt like I was watching an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond OR reading about my life....I know exactly where you're coming from!!! I'm usually drunk by noon on Christmas day because to stop the fighting we have everyone over our house and I NEED the sedation!!
This has been the age old dilema since time began or so it seems. Don't feel like you are the only one. After the stress my MIL caused at Thanksgiving this year my husband doesn't even want to spend Christmas with her. Problem solved this year. Good luck.
Ohhh! Ugg. Thanksgiving, too. Now throw in that hubby's parents divorced when he was 16 and they lived out of state.
Peaceful first four holidays.
Then his mother and her husband moved in state. Then his dad ended his second marriage and moved in state. Three parents to see.
Mess.
It's better now. I love my parents the most so I get to choose.
Just kidding. Sort of.
THANK GOODNESS we aren't the only ones who still have this fight every single damn year! We've been married six years and we still fight about this every Christmas, mostly because of my MIL. I don't understand what's so hard about 'you get every other Christmas' but somehow she always manages to weasel more time out of him and I get screwed. I dread the approach of December and the great 'where will we spend Christmas' debate.
I feel for you, but I know you'll survive due in part to your wicked sense of humor! Thanks for the laughs and Christmas cheer.
two years ago my mother in law seriously threw herself on the ground and threatened to kill herself because we had christmas morning with my family. We alternate years on who gets eve and day, and every year my mother in law finds a way to ruin every moment of christmas break for me and my husband, the only time we fight! he stays up all night sick over worry, my parents get pissed because we're a blows in their house, total wreck( not just christmas all holidays) well this year I said i will divorce (yes the D word) if we dont go on vacation to avoid everyone. I'm waiting on the shoe to drop...but so far we're packed and leaving tomorrow for the next week! I pray for you, i totally feel your pain! all of it!
yes. We have 4 families and they all desire to see the kids and spend christmas with them. We try to allow EVERYONE to have time with the kids, but someone's feelings are ALWAYS hurt, and it's never good enough what we try to do! whew...
My husband's mother is the same way. She always wanted to be there Christmas Eve and then AGAIN on Christmas Day. And I am so sorry but I would like to spend time with our children without other people around.
The problem: she's now practically living with us. And I'm already pissed about having to give up our family time to make room for her.
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