EAT.
Num, num, num, mwah!
I know a total pregnancy weight gain of 11 pounds equals jack squat, but it eats at me. (Ha! Pun.) I wasn't some teeny, dainty cheerleader to begin with. In fact, I don't think anything about me has ever been described as teeny or dainty.
Once upon a time, when I was single and thin(ish) and living on half a bagle, a cereal bowl full of green beans, and two glasses of skim milk a day (hey, that diet WORKS, people) my 6 foot co-worker Deborah bonded with me and said, "Us big girls have to stick together against all these little people." *
"Us big girls." Pfft.
It stung, particuarly because I was living on air and green beans and STILL looked booty-licious.
That reminds me of another story...
I went to good ol' Akron U and dormed with a whole floor full of black girls. I don't know if the registrar thought "Jacqueline" meant I was really this woman:
Anyway, while sitting around laughing over Cisco's Thong Song (that thong, th-thong, thong, thong) Dionna screamed out, "Girl, look at you! You have a big ol' black girl booty! You're one of us!"
Ummm...I'm white. I'm not supposed to have a big ol' black girl booty. I'm supposed to have a flat white girl ass.**
Thanks, Dionna! Now I have butt issues.
Anyway...back to the whole point of this post...if it had one...
I'm watching the scale, but I can't stop jamming food in my mouth! A couple days ago I came home from work ravenous and noticed I forgot to plug the crock pot in--so while I waited for Kevin to bring home McDonald's fry-fries-right-now-I'm-freaking-STARVING! I ate half a bag of chips with salsa and a package of Ho-Hos. Then? I ate my entire quarter-pounder value meal.
I was comfortably full, internets. That's just wrong.
Right now, I weigh exactly what I did when I walked into labor and delivery with Elizabeth...and I haven't hit the 3rd trimester pack on! I'm horrified. Absolutely horrified.
So I'm stocking up on healthy snacks like fruit, cottage cheese, and part-skim cheese sticks. (Ho hos? Not so much.) My lunch bag cannont contain all of the fruit I'm eating in 8 hours, so it looks like I'm lugging bags of groceries into work every morning.
That's totally me. Only I'm sitting on the floor of my office surrounded by apple cores and shredded Smart Ones boxes while licking the inside of an Activia container like a DOG.
What? I'm having trouble pooping, okay? I need the Activia. I told you, I have butt issues.
*Deborah and I were working in the cut throat world of Mall Cosmetics, otherwise known as Devil Wears Prada-Knockoff. No one wore anything more than a size 6, except for us, the Amazon Queens porking out in 10's and 12's.
** Or, I should look exotic like Kim Kardashian. To be booty-licious and be plain ol' white bread makes me look stupid, like Kendra Wilkinson.***
***Who, by the way, gained over 50 pounds with her baby. That girl is probably crying and puking while her trainer beats the crap out of her as we speak. Or blog. Or whatever. I had coffee for the first time in 2 months today. It hasn't affected me AT. ALL.
8 comments:
I gained 56 pounds with my little man. And I'm keeping souvenir poundage dammit! If you're hungry, you're hungry!
I'm due in a few weeks and started this pregnancy out weighing pretty much what I weighed the first time around...yeah. So, of course this time I've gained a gazillion pounds and while it bothered me in the beginning, I'm slowly getting over it. I guess because I can see an end in sight.
In college, I was told by a male black friend that I have a ghetto bootie. So you aren't the only white girl with a black girl butt. I'm proud of it!
When I heard the normal weight gain range is 25-35 I thought HA! No way I won't stay in there. Thirty-five pounds seems like a lot before you know what it's like to be pregnant and starving, like could hunt food with your bare hands starving. I'm at 37 pounds now with 3 weeks left...it's obviously not happening. You gotta do what you gotta do. Oh, and butt issues? A few weeks of bed rest and you're really hurting...I have had some "incidents" in the bathroom that would bring a grown man to his knees (I'd talk about it on my blog but I hate talking about poop at all...in fact I hate myself right now for even typing this). The only thing that has worked for me is Citrucel pills -- I'm now at 1x/day and they work like a charm. Then you don't have to deal with powdery stuff or constantly buying that yogurt (although I have to say Activia is surprisingly tasty). FWIW!
LOL - can so remember this! Seems like all I did was eat while I was pregnant! I can easily recall that there were at least TWO breakfasts every day, then a GIANT lunch, Dinner and of course snacks before bed. And I gained a whopping 50 pounds before all was said and done!!! All those hormones and that growing baby - you gotta eat! There is no choice!
My mom gained 52 pounds when she was pregnant with me and she is
5'3" tall! She lost most of it, you can too! Enjoy your pregnancy and enjoy your food!
Haha, I was RAVENOUS when I read this. Like, ifIdonteatsomethingrightnowIwillDIEandwoetothemanwhogetsinmyway ravenous. :)
oops, it was supposed to say woetothemanwhogetsinmyway..... :P
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