Oh, gawd, internets...
Please hold me back! (And cry with me. Because I want to cry. In fact, I may end up crying in the bathroom in 15 minutes.)
An old man came into my office during my lunch break and had something to tell me. A dirty old man who is working on the plumbing.
Okay, first? Some background on my lunch. I had pizza rolls and cookies because holy-hell-it-was-a-busy-weekend-and-I-didn't-make-it-to-the-grocery-store-and-now-I'm-noshing-on-junk.
Now? The stage is set.
Said dirty old man walks into my office and whispers, "Honey..."
*Side note, all dirty old men call you honey, sweetie, or sugar tits. Thus? They are dirty old men.
"Honey, I've got to tell you something. You are a VERY beautiful girl..."
*Side note #2, all dirty old men think you are a girl. Never a woman. Thus? They are dirty old men.
"...so I've got to tell you something. Look at me!" (Spreads dirty old man coat wide open, like a subway flasher.) "I'm 69 years old. I cut out sugar, white breads, all that stuff. It was hard, but I dropped weight."
Wait for it, internets. Wait for it!
"Now, if you were to stop eating those damn cookies and do the same thing, you would be HOT."
Then he winked at me, and walked out.
Holy fuck, you pervy old asshole! I'm six months pregnant!!!
Hold me, internets. Just hold me.
23 comments:
I would have chased him down & told him that too!
Dirty old man...
OMG I would be so extremely upset....like crying for days. What a jerk!! I think you look great...WTF. that guy is an idiot.
I think I would have been a smart ass and said, "Well, I may be fat, but you're ugly and I can lose weight!" I know, it's totally dorky, but it might work. And then I'd have said, "Hey, dip shit, I'm pregnant!"
Wow. I would have totally gone off on him (you can always blame it on the hormonal mood swings, too!)! What an asshole! Don't even let it bother you-- you eat whatever that baby wants, pregnancy is the only time you get to do that and ENJOY it!!
OMG!a tubby old lady in elevator congratulated me on being pregnant when I'm not.All I could do was sputter incoherently:(
You look lovely,ignore the dirt-bag.
What an Asshole. 'Nuff said.
I am pretty sure I would have kicked him in the nuts. Or at least cried, yelled and called him an asshole. I'm sorry!!!!
Wow. Beauty advice from an Ugly.
Consider the source. A beautiful woman would never make that mistake.
NO WAY!!! I would run after him and kick him for you but I can't b/c I have to go eat some cookies.
omgosh, I would have NOT been able to stop myself from catching him to tell him I were pregnant so he feels like the asshole he is.
EEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW. What a jackass. Honestly where do people come from? A friend recently told me that someone asked her whether her pregnancy was a surprise. WTF? People have no filters. Hang in there because I've seen you and you look fabulous. That guy is a waste of space.
Holy shit!!! When I was pregnant I would throw shit at people for comments like that. (note I was to fat and lazy to get up to tell them otherwise) I seriously was pissed at my DH and chucked the cordless phone at his head. Missed and clipped his shoulder. I have a gouge in my wall from my dog barking to much I put her outside, then threw a can of corn at the wall. To think if some numb nutted ass fucker said that to me!! I think the closest thing, lets say stapler (the nice old metal 5lb ones) would go searing across the office to the back of his fucking head. What a chode!
I needed to stop. Hugs to you, assfucks like that suck. I hope he has to potty train a puppy and a toddler in the same week.
Feisty
No way!! I cannot believe what some people think is okay to say to other people. UGH!!
Ugh. I knew it would be bad when you had to use Fucktard in the title. But...wow. Those are the kind of people I like to hurt with my words.
Aw! People suck. For reals.
When I was pregnant with the twins (and I mean REALLY pregnant because they were huge babies) my daughter was playing with a little boy while I sat on a lawnchair and watched them.
HIM: Your Mom's FAT!
HER: (completely disgusted with his stupidity) She's PREGNANT. *eye roll*
And they were 4. Old, young or medium, people are idiots. Except my daughter, who is awesome
:-D
Wow, I can't believe what some people think it's ok to say out loud to other people.
That idiot doesn't have too many years left on this earth, anyway.
I think I would have said "Hey, Oldie McOlderson, I didn't ask for your old man balls opinion, but FYI, I'm PREGNANT. I WILL lose the baby weight, but you'll always be an old, ugly bag of bones. Have a nice day"
What an effing turd! Not only is he gross but how in the world do you go up to someone & say something like that?
Dont pay any attention to that waste of oxygen, you're still HOT :)
That's way better than just being fat and having someone ask when you're due.
Once when I was at Disney, a ride operator recommended I not ride Splash Mountain because it wasn't good for pregnant women. My brother stood up for me and said "Hey, she's not pregnant, she's just been eating too much this summer!"
wow.
What a tool! Phuck him!
UGH!!! Dirty old men...they are sooo...ugh....If he wasn't so dirty, maybe you woulda beat his ass...!!! Well, as far as your editing...I wouldn't worry about it...it is PG-13 still...you are allowed one "F" word per post right??!!!
I love your description of the flashing you like a subway flasher. I can picture your horrified face too. Some people are so dense. I'm sure your one hot mama-to-be; this from a clean young lady. LOL
Wow! That's all I can say.
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