I agreed to host a PartyLite party for my MIL and help her "launch" her new career as Candle Pusher Extraordinaire. Since I sold the crap myself once upon a time, it should be easy for me to gather 10 people in my living room, right?
Uh. No.
I personally invited over 40 women, and so far? Only 2 are coming tonight. T-W-O.
I understand that it's January and everyone is recovering from Christmas. I understand that most New Year's Resolutions don't include the goal: Piss Money Away on Overpriced Candles at Home Parties. I even get that it's Friday, the start of the weekend oh-my-gawd-do-you-KNOW-how-fast-my-weekends-fly-by-don't-ask-me-to-waste-one-precious-minute-of-it-listening-to-your-MIL-drone-on-about-the-correct-way-to-snuff-a-candle!
I get it.
But I still can't help but take it personally. My mind rushes back to 6th grade and suddenly? I'm alone at my birthday party because it's August and all my friends are on vacation.
(You have no idea how jealous I was of girls who had birthdays during the school year. Those bitches.)
I'm feeling all rejected. No one loves me.
And? On top of all that?
My MIL is expecting me to come up with some incredible sales and dozens of friends all hot and bothered over hosting their own Candle Fun Time Blow Out. She's already reminded me of exactly how much she sold for me and how many people were at her party way back in 2005, because obviously? Guilt motivates.
Head? Meet desk. Bang repeatedly.
In case any of my beloved readers are ever dumb enough to get sucked into hosting one of these shit parties, let me tell you exactly what is involved:
1. You'll think it's easy! Free stuff with little to no work!
2. You'll invite people about a week before, and then wonder why everyone is saying, "Thanks...but..."
3. You'll freak out when NO ONE has agreed to come and start sending frantic invitations to people you hardly ever talk to--like Aunt Enid or your neighbor with the hairy mole.
4. You'll get really desperate and start dragging catalogs and order forms everywhere you go. You whip books out and beg people to take a look, feeling like some Dicken's character begging for loose change in the streets of London.
5. You scrape together $100 worth of orders, and then think about canceling the party.
6. In a burst of optimism, you clean your house feeling quite sure that those 10 people who wouldn't return your phone calls with show up.
7. No one shows up but Aunt Enid and your neighbor with the hairy mole.
8. The sales rep glares at you all evening and warns you darkly that you didn't sell enough to earn ANYTHING. All of your work was for nothing, and she thinks you're a worthless POS.
9. Aunt Enid and your neighbor with the hairy mole linger. You start hitting the wine box in the fridge.
10. It finally ends, and you vow NEVER to do this again.
See? Loads of fun.
One bright spot in all of this--I am now firmly reminded that I want no part of direct sales ever again. Post baby, I'm going to say, "Buh-bye Wildtree. Hello part-time office slave!"
No way am I getting sucked into this mess again.
21 comments:
For one summer I sold knives.. or TRIED to sell knives. One guy cut himself during my demo even! (Could have been my dad....)
I agree - we all think it sounds easy and great and I-could-do-that! but it's so not!
HAHAHA!!! Can I just copy and paste your post, change the whole "candle theme" to jewelry, and go shoot myself too?? UGH...why do we do these things?? Well, I actually did it because I was dumb enough to think that people would want some jewelry...I mean, I DID...!! The jewelry is actully pretty awesome, and not way overpriced...WHO CARES...NOT WORTH THE EFFORT!!!
Been there done that..got the premier jewelry.
I am so sorry!
One year, back in 1997, I hosted one of these parties, and NO ONE came. I kid you not! What ticked me off the most wasn't necessarily the fact that the (high pressure) sales representative wasn't going to make any sales that night.
No.
It was the fact that I had gone grocery shopping and bought a whole bunch of high-fat, high-calorie food for this stinking party, and now I would be stuck eating it, for days/weeks to come!
LMAO!!!! Oh my ...
I had a candle party once. I had people come, but it was SO uncomfortable because of the mix of people. There were people from work, and people from my Karate dojo. It was very weird and awkward. I had thought it would be a way to have a successful party (I'd never thrown a successful party, and I'm with you on the holiday birthday thing- never had a birthday party other than with family because no one goes anywhere the day after Christmas). Not doing that again. Though I miss the Pampered chef parties- good food and usually I could pop for something so the host got credits.
My sister decided to sell Mary Kay so she could get her make-up at a discount. I tried to have a party (ditto fraiserbaz on the lots of food thing) and no one came other than the same people who'd been at her party the week before. I'm thinking that if I ever go insane and do it again, I'll start with a margarita theme and sell stuff after everyone gets toasted.
Can you sell via the internets? Maybe post a little linky button on the side to redirect to another page that would show the products you're selling?
i too have a summer birthday- over canada day/fourth of july weekend- booo. tealights- 500/pk for like five bucks at IKEA.
Been there done all of the above!! it's the awkwardness of a mixed bunch of friends I love the most... awkward!!!!!!!11
I've been there too -- had a jewelry party a few years ago and it was painful! At some point I decided that actually I didn't even want my friends to come and feel pressured into buying -- it felt icky and businesslike. Anyway I just realized maybe I'm making you feel worse -- I just meant to say that I feel your pain and it will be over soon!
aww...I just happened to find your blog by looking around and I can relate! I have an August birthday as well...right before school starts so I NEVER had a bday party because everyone is scattering around to spend the last of their summer days and my parents were always broke by that time because of all the school supplies and new clothes they spent their money on! (I have 7 other siblings!) Good luck with your sales! =)
yeah...it's why I NEVER did parties as a consultant (Rodan+Fields) and just rely on people who like the product to call ME. Much less stress--and no guilt sales that way!
LMAO! I bought err, sold, The Body Shop at Home. NEVER again will I get sucked into selling, hosting or attending.
You should do adult toy parties. People love to come to those ;)
You are so dead-on accurate with your description.
And they always tell you about the women making 6 figures selling it, but only working part-time. Where? When can I meet them? I think they're as real as unicorns.
One time, this charasmatic Mary Kay saleswoman somehow convinced me that I should sell Mary Kay. And it sounded GREAT. And I had to INVEST. Then one day a giant box showed up at my house full of my inventory, and I suddenly realized I AM NOT A SALESPERSON! AGH! So, I never opened it and sent it back. Thank god I saved myself...
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Ok... so ONE time... I had a candle party. The party lady said "only about 10% of your people come, so you'll want to invite 40 or more people. So, I invited pretty much everyone I knew in our small little town. I got about 6 RSVPs so I thought I was doing well. I made food for about 10 people and then night of the party came. 32 people showed up and tried to cram themselves in my livingroom. HOLY CRAP! I was at the point of "here, you each can have one cheeto"....
My party lady just kept shaking her head saying "this never happens... this never happens"....
I'm still not sure what happened.
i never had another party.
I had a lot of fun at the temptations and pampered chef parties I hosted. Fun with friends, some free stuff -- wont hear me complaining! Don’t give up, just live and learn and try again with a new strategy. Its always easier to get friends excited about attending a party that features a product you love, if you think something is crap OR that home parties are stupid that attitude is going to show. Just relax and enjoy lol.
As a candle consultant I have to say that you might just find a new consultant!! If she made you feel pressured instead of just giving you information on how to get the most from your party then move on to someone new. And, she should explain the value of the candles at the show -- my customers often do this for me while I’m talking, they speak up to say that the candles burn longer, cleaner, and relight easier than other brands with lower or comparable cost. When the party guests speak up I love it, less talking for me.
I remind my hostesses to keep refreshments simple because it is their night for fun too. When I can I give some free samples of the gourmet products to use.
The start of online ordering has made getting outside orders and more FREE stuff easier.
The lady who sponsored me is one of those ladies with the very large paychecks and her leader is one of those ladies with the ridiculous paychecks. Being your own boss is fun but takes discipline and I enjoy it. I’ve met some wonderful people in my area, have some great repeat hostesses, and joined networking groups with other boutiquers and young professionals which has lead to more friends and fun events for me to attend.
I occasionally have a hostess who wants to use a community location like a hall or pizza place so that she can fit a larger amount of people or just avoid cleaning house.
Just as a follow up: The show totaled about $220, and HELL NO, it was not worth it.
I only hosted as a favor to my MIL--and now? I'm done with the direct sales scams!
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