Not to go back into the SAHM vs. WOHM debate...but I'm undecided about which is the life for me.
When I worked, I had to deal with getting me and Elizabeth up, dressed, fed, and out the door by 7:30. I hated the rushed mornings, mushy crock pot dinners, tight schedules, half-assed chores, and endless Mommy guilt.
As a SAHM, I've already had three screaming matches with Elizabeth today over 1.) eating scrambled eggs, 2.) wearing play clothes, and 3.) putting clothes on Polly Pocket by herself. (It isn't even 10 am yet, people.) I'm lonely for adult conversations and miss the uninterrupted quiet of work--and no one demanding a snack every 15 minutes. I feel like I needed to major in Elementary Ed just to be a good mom, and since I didn't I'm overwhelmed and under qualified for SAHMdom. And in the back of my mind, a little demon whispers, "Grandma has more patience and would raise your kids better than you. You didn't even like kids, remember? You didn't even like to play with baby dolls when you were 7. Go back to work and be useful."
Both sides have perks, too. (See? I'm not a total pessimist.)
While working, I broke out of the SAHM uniform of messy ponytail and Sea Breezed bare face. Hell, I wore heels. I felt like Jaci again, not just Mommy, and the time I spent with Elizabeth was precious. Plus? We had money. BIG PERK.
As a SAHM, my time and my agenda are my own. I can spend all day in my pj's...or repaint a bedroom...or wander around Target...or cuddle Elizabeth and play with her. It's all up to me, and I don't have to answer to anyone. My days are starting to feel like on big, endless weekend. BIG PERK.
I think the problem for me is that I'm not disciplined enough to do the SAHM gig justice. I fall into the ruts of not getting dressed before 10 am, skipping hair and makeup, and letting the isolation get to me. Before I know it, I'm depressed in yoga pants and trying to talk myself into leaving the house at least once this week.
Other women are able to keep themselves to their own schedule and thrive on the SAHM freedom, but I can't seem to get my shit together. Maybe I'm one of those freaks that thrives under the pressure of having too much on her plate? Maybe I need to be held accountable to someone other than myself?
Either way, when I close my eyes and try to picture what I want my life to look like in the next 2 years, I'm not dreaming of coloring pages, fun snacks, and PTA meetings. I can only see myself heading off to work!
I guess I have my answer. The SAHM life is not for me.
14 comments:
Girlfriend, I hear you loud and clear! My mom was home with me and my brothers without a car and a traveling husband. she loved staying home.
I just thought it would be naturla that I would like it too...not so much. I felt like a failure everyday! BUT it was only the first 10 weeks...I am just a better mom working. I am happier, he is happier, he is learning alot and has so much fun at "school", and I love my job!
To each their own...everyone has harsh opinions one way or the other, but honestly it is only you who can decide if it is for you or not!
Carrie (your lurker...but sometimes comes out to say something friend)
I am with you, sister. I LOVE that I have the best of both worlds. I love being at home know that the next day is at work and vise versa. I am not cut put to stay at home all the time.
Looks like you just answered your own question :)
I think it's great that you're trying to find the upside to being a SAHM (& there are many) but sometimes we're just not wired to be that person. I'm the type of person that needs to go to an office daily & I thrive on pressure...I love it. Whatever you choose to do after having your baby will for sure be the best thing for you & your family.
Nothing wrong with that. I've been a SAHM for 2 yrs now. It is very challenging. Mostly due to the boredom. Also, I don't feel the freedom. I feel like I'm on someone's else's schedule...my son!! At least at work, if I needed a break I took one. Not now!
I do love it though! And it's worth it to me, but I could see why you'd want to work. The pay's better too!!
I loved my job until the museum ran out of money to pay me. I am challenged by being a SAHM now (like you, I lack discipline), but I have enjoyed the less-structured days. I think everything in life has a season. I didn't work forever and I don't think I will be home forever either. I think you DO have your answer, but I doubt you suck as much as you think you do either.
I've never been a SAHM...not really an option since it's just me. I've always thought I would be an excellent SAHM during the school year while my son was in school and a not so good SAHM during the summer. I like lots of quite time to myself. And while I get in a rut at work, at least (in some ways) it's my time.
Oh and I would probably end up falling in a rut and not get dressed ever! I think there a lot of SAHM things that a lot of people don't take into consideration...stuff that is HARD...way harder than working.
Sometimes when I think about what it would be like to be SAHM, I remember how I would probably live in elastic waisted yoga pants and never put on a pair of zip-up pants again...And the zipper is the only thing that keeps me watching what I eat.
One thing about this stage in your life is that not only are you a SAHM right now to a strong willed child, but you're also coming out of one hell of year emotionally and currently in the midst of pregnancy which brings emotional and physical issues of its own. I think what I'm trying to say is that you have a lot going on all at once and it's okay to sit down say "Wellll shiiiiiit". Just remember that life is constantly changing and this will pass.
You know, I think the grass is always greener on the other side. I seem to need change more than I will admit. Good for you to have figured out what you desire.
I am torn in two by a question like this one. On one hand if you have no real desire be in the parenting process then you should go to work. If you want to be a parent then involve yourself in the process of being a parent. Some people are just not nuturing types and probably would do better not forcing it upon themselves. Though I have seen the aftermath of both ways and the results are mixed but the result is tied to one thing I think and that is personal honesty. By this I mean that if you think you will be a better parent by being at work could be a lie. It would be similar to saying you are a much better golfer when you go to bowling most of the time.
Either way is fine for your kids so long as you are there as an honest (to yourself) parent when you are together.
Good Luck I too have been where you are and it is hard.
peace
gk
that is how I would be too, i feel like working keeps me "in line" at home. Plus both of my kids are at school all day so, why be home....
wait a minute...HELL...WHY NOT BE HOME???
oh right, yeah, I need the money.
well, anyway, I hear ya.
i would LOVE to read your Working Mom blog! Either way, I'm still hooked. :)
I was a SAHM when my kids were little...Kat's first day at Kindergarten...my first day of teaching...and I never looked back. I loved being a WOHM...and was a much better mom that way. I love my job...and it did not mean I did not love my kids...I just needed something to give value to me too! It does not matter what you decide to do...someone won't like it...but who cares..it is not their life..it is yours. You do what makes you feel like you have worth!
Oh I can understand those challenges. I'm figuring out my place right now. Have you thought about getting involved in MOPS or playgroups or volunteering for something you like in your area to build up a good support network that gives you more of an outlet and purpose? Honestly, having that right now is the difference between not having enough time in the day and being happy right now and my previous SAHM try where I was tearing my hair out and went back in 6 months. Good luck! (And no, Grandma wouldn't raise Elizabeth better - get that thought out of your head!)
I a ABSOLUTEY the SAHM. The idea of going back to an office job anytime before my sons are both in full time school does not appeal to me in ANY way. Even after that? I'd rather stay home and be a housewife, do PTA stuff, volunteer etc. It's for me. But it's not for everybody! Working can be a big part of your life and identity, and you can still be a good mom if you work. I hope you make it until you are ready to go back!
Post a Comment