Q: Elizabeth, do you think I'm getting bigger?A: You look like a penguin, Mommy.
Ah, well. They say children and fools tell the truth.
These pictures are taken in my bathroom. (In case you are a mental midget and couldn't figure out why I had bath puffs and shampoo bottles dangling behind my head.) My bathroom is special. Know why?
I have a claw foot bathtub.Before you sigh with romantic jealousy, let me tell you that my claw foot bathtub? Sucks hairy balls. This isn't one of those gorgeous, new, spacious claw foot tubs at Lowes. This is the original. Antique.
MADE FOR SMALL PEOPLE.
So with my pregnant butt, I feel like Taft. Anyone remember him? He was our fattest President. (How fat was he?) He was so fat, they had to put a special tub in The White House just for him.
So, not only does my fat runneth over...but the inside of my antique looks like this:
That's paint. Or enamel. Actually, I don't know what it is. All I know is the white, shiny layer is flaking off and it scrapes my butt. And? It will cost over $1,000 to have the bathtub refinished--or only $700 if I can find a way to heft 10 tons of cast iron out of my bathroom, carry it down two flights of steps, hoist it into a truck, and drop it off at the shop to be refinished there.(I propose a Bathtub Fund PayPal button for my blog. Mmm-kay?)
The sad thing is that my house isn't even old enough to have an original claw foot tub. The dumb ass former owners "remolded" the bathroom and installed this worn-out antique that they probably dug out of some redneck's barn.
"Why didn't they refinish it before they installed it?" That's the million dollar question I'd like to ask them while ripping off their toenails one by one. Then I'd wrap them up in the godawful wallpaper they stuck in every. room. of. the. house.
9 more weeks to go. Until then, my nightly soaks will just have to give me even more of a fat complex.
I feel you, buddy. I feel you.
14 comments:
That was priceless. I am not pregnant...BUT...my house hates mass company. When my dad died in Oct...guest bathroom shut down completely...yesterday when I was feeding my family...Aunt's funeral...toilet in guest bathroom and sink in kitchen...shut down. Do you know how hard it is to cook without a sink?...and having to use the tiny little one in the bathroom? I feel for you...and I am sorry about the tub! I still think you make a beautiful pregnant woman.
A sledge hammer makes cast iron easier to pull out..... Ask me how I know!!
Good Luck!
Once again you never fail to crack me up!!! You look so cute and trust me, at least you can say you have a claw foot ruin er bathtub, MY horrible ruin of a tub is one of the not white,not cream SQUARE hideous tubs that there is no fixing. and since I just had to have new floors in the kitchen and re-paint the walls (in every room) i am stuck with it...stuck being the operative word, as i have that peeling crap STUCK to my butt as well) love that it's not just me swimming (literally) in the water of disgust...at my tub anyway.
When I was pregnant I didn't have a bathtub that would even allow my legs to be covered in water (who makes an 8 in bathtub) and towards the end I would have gladly soaked in a rusty barrel I was so longing for a bath!
You look adorable by the way!
I am 31 weeks today! I feel huge and I can't move! UHG!
I found your blog while I was looking for other bloggers due around my same date.
so i read the entire post, but i still can't help but love your tub. i love those things. sorry. i'm just there and i'm stuck on it.
There was one in my Grandmas old farm house. At least it looks the same and the scratchy stuff on the ass is truly the same.
I think they took out the wall and tossed the old thing into the yard and used it to water the cattle or sold it to the wallpaper/bathtub renovator people that did up your place.
When we lived on fairview ave we had a clawfoot that was peeling... you can buy a special paint for it and just repaint it. we did it and it worked great. just something you get at lowes or home depot.
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You are so funny! I loved this!
HILARIOUS!!! We are in the process of actually refinishing our bathroom because we are trying to get pregnant and currently do not have a tub. WHICH I NEED! Your post made me laugh SO HARD! Poor you :(
Hi Jaci,
My husband is a plumber and he frequently gets this kind of tub in a remodel. You can get a roller brush and a special enamil paint at a hardware store and paint it. makes them look good as new, just do thin coats so it doesn't end up running.
Many congrats, loved reading your story and look forward to following along!
Week 31 Pregnancy
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