At this point, I'm completely fed up. (Just look at my face in that picture.) I am absolutely miserable.
When I say "miserable", I don't want you to picture the typical pregnant woman who flops down the couch and says, with a little smile, "Whew! I can't wait to get this baby out," and can still do everything she always has--just a little slower. That's not miserable. That's...uncomfortable.
I can deal with uncomfortable.
I'm in pain. Pain that on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being a sore muscle, 10 being "give me the epidural" contractions) I'm calling it a 7. It's a constant, steady, crushing pressure in my pelvis that gnaws at me until I'm holding my breath and oozing out weak tears. I can't get relief no matter how I'm positioned--sitting, standing, laying--it doesn't change anything.
I can't walk. My pelvis locks, and at times I can't spread my legs enough to have a proper stride. I'm shuffling around the house, holding my breath, holding on to walls, grimacing and groaning with every step. I move so slowly that I can't answer the phone before voice mail picks up. I can't bend over to pick anything up. I have to take breaks and sit on a stool while making Hamburger Helper or washing dishes. I'm struggling to drive because I can't pick my leg up enough to get into the SUV, or lift my foot from gas to brake.
I'm angry. Anyone ever try to help a dog that's in pain and have the thing snarl and snap at you? That's me. It's either cry or get pissed, and since I'm never one to cry, I always fall on the pissed side. When I'm starting to snap, I have to stop and tell myself that it's not my family that's pissing me off, it's the pain talking. I'm spending more and more time like Thumper ("If you can't say sumpin' nice, don't say nutin' at all.") quietly seething in the corner and spitting out, "Nothing!" to all questions of "What's wrong?"
I'm depressed. See this little girl?
What's Mommy doing? Mommy is on the couch, or on really bad days, laying in bed with pillows jammed between her knees. Mommy is constantly saying, "I can't take you there. I can't play that with you." Mommy is hurting and angry and so short tempered. And at the end of the day, when Daddy is fighting with a totally frustrated and tired little girl, Mommy sits in the bedroom and tries not to cry because it's not fair for that little girl to be stuck in the house with Shitty Mommy all day long.
I don't really know what else to say. I'm crying, and feeling like a big failure.
*insert witty closing line*
15 comments:
I am so sorry. That sucks. I have no assvice. Just a big fat THAT SUCKS.
I think you blog is kick ass does that help??
*Your I mean. Quick! Laugh at my typos.
talk to your ob and see if he can get you into physical therapy. I had the opposite pain on the other side of the pelvis where the sacro iliac joints and ligaments are. PT has helped tremendously. I couldn't get out of bed without assistance, take a shower without shooting pain. I have 3 little ones all under 4. I feel ya, honey, but there's hope. I'm virtually pain free now and enjoying the last few weeks of my pregnancy.
Well that just sounds horrible.
:-(
umm....I heart you a lot. That's about all I have to offer, plus my deepest sympathies.
wow. Just wow. I sure hope your OB has some ideas on how to make it better for the next couple of weeks. In the mean time, could you maybe have a friend/family come over and take your daughter out so she can burn off her energy?
Wow...I hope that Dr. Oompa can refer you to physical therapy like SenoraSabrosita suggested. That would be incredible if it helped. I also read where a chiropractor who has had pediatric training to understand the effects on the infant in utero can help with alignments and reduce the pain. They suggested visiting this website to see if there's a certified chiro near you. http://icpa4kids.com/index.php
And you're not a bad mommy...you're a mommy in pain and E will be just fine.
I'm the same way right now! I can't sleep and she's dropped consistently for the last three weeks it seems. I don't think my hips are connected anymore, just thin layers of skin holding my crotch in place. Once she decides to come out the whole thing is going to dissolve into nothingness.
I am so sorry. I dealt with the pelvis separation as well and I honestly think it was worse than birth. I highly recommend talking to your Dr. There are pain medications you can take and it will help relieve some of your pain. You are SO close to the end. Hang in there!
Oh Jaci...I'm sorry. E will be fine. This is not forever, this is just for a bit. I'm sure it is not good for either of your moods to be stuck inside the house! But it is not out of you being lazy or not wanting to....you physically just can't!
I wish I had some majic advise but I don't...
Oh I'm sorry...wishing you an early labor.
I SO COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND!!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!! I am 36 weeks today, and yesterday fell apart so many times, I couldn't even tell you...(snappy/crying/snappy/crying...and on and on...) Like I have to tell you. My problem isn't so much my pelvis as it is my back and legs. It seriously feels as if I have these 100 pound weights in my legs...and I have to drag them around...standing hurts...sitting hurts....everything HURTS!!! I couldn't have been more in tune with your post if I wanted to...!! My poor kids probably HATE me now!! I am either biting their heads off or crying...and just like you...I hate crying, so if I do, I get mad at myself for it!! SIGH!!! The good news?? It will end...it will...!!!!
I am so sorry sweety. What should be a wonderful time sounds like it is really messed up for you. I hope it will get better for you soon.
Ugh, I'm so sorry. I'm 33 weeks tomorrow and a little miserable too. But I don't have the horrible pelvis thing, which seems like it would totally kick my ass. I'm tired too, and have the guilt about using the TV as a babysitter so often because it makes me so tired just to walk around outisde with him. Here's hoping the next 7 weeks go by FAST.
Jaci: I hope you called doc Loompa. I know my wife mentioned being uncomfortable but not in severe pain at this point of pregnancy.
BTW You sound like a great SAHM!
Good Luck to you and the fetu..er baby.
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