I've noticed a trend of moms with babies (oh gawd, the babies) all the way up to just before Kindergarten. Their kids? They are advanced.
The babies I can sort of understand. Rufus manages to drool and roll over a few weeks early, and poor mom, nearly insane with baby boredom and lack of sleep, whips out her developmental milestones and screams, "Argh! He's advanced!" From then on, Rufus is 10 kinds of awesome and mom is on a mission to create a genius.
It's annoying to have one of those mothers grab you and gnaw your ear off with stories of The Incredible Rufus--especially when Rufus is the ugliest kid you've ever seen and secretly you think there's something wrong with him--but, hey. We all go through that stage.
Usually it ends when you find Rice Crispies poured down the registers of your kid's bedroom and you wake up your husband by screaming, "What the fuck?!?!"
Err...wait. Maybe that's just me?
What annoys me is that every toddler/preschooler's weird behavior suddenly becomes clues about his inner genius. For example, when Elizabeth is arguing with me like a lawyer and I'm losing it by venting to my Mom...all she can say is, "Oh, Jaci, it's just that she's so bright!" So bright? Really? Wow, let me grab that Mensa application and check the "Smart Mouth" box--she's sure to get right in!
Bobby spends all day crawling around on the floor and growling like a dog (and mom is ready to punt him across the room)? Don't worry, he's just exceptionally imaginative! Emma sneaks and colors on the wall if mom misses a crayon during clean up? Oh, she's very artistic--sign her up for classes! Cameron is 5 and still clings to mom and screams when she tries to drop him off...uh...anywhere? He is so sensitive and intelligent!
The worst part is these Genius Stories usually come from well-meaning friends and family. Mom is stressed out and venting because she's at her limit, and her best friend comes up with some super optimistic excuse for her kid's behavior--and Mom gratefully swallows it. My kid's not weird...she's gifted! Suddenly, the dog growling, crayon scribbling, and cling-on behavior is a little more bearable.
My question is, when do Moms let go of the pretty little lies and start to realize that no, my kid isn't Einstein, he's just bad?
I have an aunt who's in her 70's and still makes excuses for her 40 year old son. He really is a genius, but that's about all he's got going for him. He's never had a job...he refuses to get a job...he's spent 20 years doing research on an obscure historical subject no one gives a shit about...and he's totally embracing the life of a hermit. No matter what crazy shit he gets into, my poor aunt takes a few days to create some optimistic lie to make herself feel better about it. No, he's not insane for knitting socks out of dog hair--he's just super economical!
Oy.
Okay. Let's just say strange behaviors really are signs of budding genius. So what? Even a genius has to be a functional member of society! It's still my responsibility to make my genius child understand that her behavior is not appropriate. It's still my responsibility to make sure that my child grows from quirky kid into a mature adult. It's still my responsibility to warn her that her mouth is going to get her beat up on the playground in 4th grade.
So while it's incredibly flattering to have people say, "Wow! I'm amazed at her vocabulary!" it doesn't mean I can excuse her behavior. I can't just shrug my shoulders during her next episode and say, "Well, you know, she is bright."
And to any other moms buying into the Genius Lie: I really hope that you'll do more for your kid than just create flattering excuses.
Be a parent.
12 comments:
YAY Jaci! You have nailed it! Those three little words - BE A PARENT. Now if only we could beat it into some people's heads . . .
This is an awesome post. I wish I could forward it to all the mothers of all the little 'geniuses' I know.
I love this post. Being pregnant with girl #3, has left me with more of a "I just hope they all graduate high school without getting pregnant" feeling. Am I a bad parent for thinking that? I sure as hell hope not. I however would not utter that hope amongst family who thinks of our kids as gifted. Some say gifted, I say BRATTY AS CRAP! They can be as smart as they want to be, but until they can wipe their own behinds and get dressed in socks that match, I say they are kids. I think its hilarious when people say gifted, cause really isnt is just the same as "nerd"? And yes, I was a nerd in school. Not because I was super smart, but because I liked school and paid attention. In my class there were 5 girls who got pregnant. Out of 84 in our senior class. Not great odds. I was however, married my senior year, though didnt have a baby until a few years later. Anyshway, gifted or not, I just want my kids to have respect for others and themselves....
I have to agree!
The sidebar to this is the parent who supports the kid when ever they get into trouble."That teacher is just a jerk know it all"
"The Smith's always look down on us, that's why they get mad when you torment their dog"
It takes intelligence, not a Phd, but innate intellect to raise a kid whether they are a genius or not.
I had the problem of being very smart as a kid and that translated into expectations by my folks that were not forthcoming.
So the unreal parent creates unreal expectations and sometimes a very screwed up Adult...I being a case in point.
Still lovin your blog!
I hope it continues after the birthing.
I
Love
You
that is all.
I love the part where you break it down to say that even genius' have to be a part of society and behave. So true!
You go girl! Love this post...
Thank you!
That is all.
Loooved this post! Since I'm 7 months preggo, it has made me feel the need to vent :-)
I have a 45 yr old uncle who has been a complete f-up his entire life. My grandma has always made the excuse "Well Phillip just marches to a different beat." wtf?! Oh and of course she also declares him a genius even though he can't keep a job, doesn't want to work more than 2 days a week when he does have a job, has filed bankruptcy 3 times, and takes meds when he's 'feeling' bipolar.
AND of course this idiot reproduced about 4 years ago. My grandma has declared this kid to be a genius also and she just can't get over how "He's just too smart, he knows more than me!" She actually tells a 4 yr old that he's smarter than her. I know she's from West Virginia and all, but come on. AND as you can imagine, he has horrible behavioral issues.
His latest stint? He beat up a retarded kid on the playground at preschool.
But he's just a genius.
Between you and me (and anybody else who reads this), I fight the muscles in my eyes) every time someone gets on a tangent about how brilliant their children are.
Guess what? My first child was reading by the time she was 3. Guess why? I taught her. Interestingly enough, my other children learned to read later than 3 and they are doing JUST FINE.
It kills me to not brag about my oldest child because she's such a hard working teenager. Get that? Hard working. She excels in so many different areas because SHE puts so much into it.
Not because I taught her to read at the age 3.
By the way, my parents raised five over educated children. Between the five of us, we have five bachelors degrees and four masters. I never heard the words "gifted" to describe any of us.
HOWEVER, I'm going to tell you right now that my oldest son is truly gifted.
No, really. Stop twitching your eye.
He cleaned up the dog barf so I wouldn't have to this morning. Not only that, but he saved me the last Samoa Girl Scout Cookie. And I didn't even have to tell him to do either of those.
See?
woo hoo!! I love this post!
My little 2.25 year old guy was misbehaving at daycare and the teacher said something about him being bored in the class. I said, "yeah, he can be bored and mind his manners, too!" No matter how "smart" we or anybody else thinks our children are, it's still our responsibilty to hold them accountable for their actions.
My little "genius" can scribble on the walls with the best of them, but once I pull out my whipping spoon he can also clean the walls like a pro!
AMEN!
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