Yep, you read that right. On Friday, during my guess-the-weight ultrasound, Kevin and I asked to know the sex.
I know it seems really, really stupid to go 9 months without knowing, and then find out one measly week before the birth. I mean, it's not like knowing now is going to change anything, right? The nursery is done. Clearance baby clothes are gone with the wind (and I'm too immobile to shop anyway). Why didn't we just wait for Dr. Loompa to catch the baby and say, "It's a ____!" and have that crazy, emotional moment in the delivery room?
Because I felt I wasn't connected to this baby.
After 9 months of calling it "It", pregnancy felt more like a medical condition to be survived rather than the miracle of another child. I had trouble picturing the baby...I flipped through baby name books and couldn't settle on anything...none of it seemed real.
"It" felt like an alien in my body.
When the ultrasound tech told us what "It" is...at first it didn't change anything. It was kind of like, "Oh, okay," and we grabbed Elizabeth and went about our day.
But slowly, over the weekend, something in me has started to change. I know who's foot is crammed in my ribs, and I've actually said the name while pushing it back out of there. I can watch my stomach move and say, "____ is awake. Look!" and Kevin and I can talk to it.
Elizabeth is running around the house calling the baby by name, and to hear the name coming from a little 4 year old as if, duh, the baby is going to be in this house very soon and will always live with us just drives the realness of it home for me. I'm going to have another child! We're going to be a family of four!
We went to Target together and picked out real outfits (not just yellow sleepers) and had fun talking about who is coming. I could pick up a baby toy and ask Elizabeth, "Do you think ____ will like this?" Or I can say, "Do you think ____ will have red hair like you?"
The baby is more real to all of us.
I can picture tucking my two kids into their adorable bedroom now. I can imagine the fights that are going to happen when the baby is 4 and Elizabeth is 8, and it makes me laugh to think of it. The whole picture of my family is becoming clearer every day.
I have no regrets whatsoever about giving up that moment when the baby comes out and we're all straining to see what it is. This week of bonding with my belly and feeling reassured that of course I will love this child as much as I love Elizabeth is priceless.
I'd rather slowly and quietly come to grips with who this baby is here at home, rather than in a busy hospital where it could feel unreal and overwhelming. If I were a different woman, I could pull off the whole not knowing thing with much more grace.
But, the fact is, I'm Jaci--and I do better when I know.
Oh, and by the way...
It's a girl.
40 comments:
Congratulations!
Congrats! Knowing the sex (and having a name) really does help with making it seem more real.
congratulations on your baby girl! i felt the same way about bonding with my baby. for whatever reason, i had to know the sex for the bonding to start. until then, it didn't feel like a person. it felt like a thing, or like you said, a condition. and then i found out she was a girl... and then she had a name... and i could picture what she might look like. awww. good for you. i'm glad you were able to find out. i hope this helps these last days of pregnancy feel better.
SO EXCITING!! Congratulations on baby girl #2.
Congratulations!
That is so wonderful. I always felt that "knowing" my girls before they were born was the best part. They had names, nicknames and personalities even before they arrived. I am so excited that you have been able to enjoy that even if it only for a (hopefully) short time!
Congratulations, two little girls, how fabulous!
OH YAY!!!!
I'm so glad that you feel better at the bitter end.
A girl! :) So exciting!
Aww Congrats Jaci. Almost killed me to read your post thinking that you may not tell us, lol. Girls are great. Now that I am pregnant with our 3rd girl, I think I would have a stroke if we ended up with a boy... I would love to be able to carry on the name, I just cant picture it.
2 pretty little girls, what fun it will be. Helps with the whole sharing a room too! and clothes and what not, double bonus.
Happy that you get this week to settle in with the knowledge that there is another precious baby girl about to grace your home.
Oh, how wonderful!! Can't wait to "meet" her (well, see a photograph and her name...)
:)
Yeah! A girl!!!
OONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
Yay! Congratulations!
I love that you chose to keep us in the dark until the last sentence! It was quite suspensful. I'm so happy that you know now, and that you are spending this last week bonding with your new little girl! How exciting. Congrats on your new family of four, featuring two little girls! :-)
EEEEKKKK!! I'm so excited for you! I'm 17 weeks along, and I just found out I'm having my first girl after two boys. I've had some scary problems with my thyroid this time around and finding out last week what we're having has really helped me. Like you said, it creates a bond there, and it helps me through the tougher times with my help! Congrats, Jaci!!!! :)
congrats
Congratulations!
Thinking of Elizabeth & her sister, I wanted to share this story. Robert was 3&1/2 when Joseph was born. My mom asked Robert what he thought about his little brother. He said, "He's ok." Then he leaned over to Mom and whispered, "I think they're going to keep him!" in a dismayed voice.
Yeah! Man, I was going nuts! I was like, she better not keep it a secret. So happy for your guys!!
AHHHH!!!! I was skimming all the way through with my hands in the air going "WHAT IS IT????" Girl #2!! How fun! Two girls! I'm so excited for you!
I'll quit using exclamation marks now...but I'm still grinning! (okay - one more exclamation mark)
Im so glad this has helped you; in some way! Its very exciting that you know and Im glad it seems to be bringing all of you together. Im sure Elizabeth is thrilled to have a sister, and here's to hoping they have a special bond!
Congratulations! Can't wait to hear her name!
Congratulations! I think it is sweet that finding out allowed you a week of bonding, which is much easier to do on your own terms than in the hospital. And thank goodness you told us, I was convinced you would leave us hanging...
congrats! I found out the sex of my first baby (a girl) durring the ultrasound. People told me over and over how great NOT finding out was so whith the second one I chose not to find out (also to spite my husband, becuase he really wanted to know, but refused to take off work). I swore the baby was a boy. I was shocked and a little sad to find I was wrong in the delivery room. I was so excited for that boy and was diapointed not to meet "him". I love my girl and it only took me a couple minutes to get excited, but I should have taken those couple of minutes while still pregnant, not in the delivery room. I would never again NOT find out the sex. Good for you for finding out and bonding!
I LOVED know what my kids were. I am so glad that you got this and it is bringing you so much joy.
A baby girl. That is awesome. :)
CONGRATS!!!! I found out with my first 2 and left my 3rd a surprise. I figured I had one of each already, so it didn't matter. I'm so excited for you guys!
Congrats! You held out longer than me. I had planned on keeping it a surprise, but by my 20 week u/s, that idea was out the window! I am sure Elizabeth will be a wonderful big sister!
*Lurker comes out of the cobwebs to say:* Congratulations on the little girl!
Great post. Seriously. I was excited reading the whole post hoping for you to tell us the sex, but I really thought you weren't going to!
I think it does make a difference knowing before hand. You can enjoy your baby girl, and now dream up all the amazing memories you will have.
I too have a family of 4 and it's a great thing. You each have a team mate! Congrats, and good luck!
Feisty
A long time lurker here who couldn't wait to say: "CONGRATULATIONS!!!!" I'm so happy that this has given you a peace, comfort and connection. (Still smiling with pure delight for you!)
Congratulatios! Girl babies are delightful. I guess boy babies are too, but I never had a boy, so I'd just be guessing.
girls rule! Congrats and enjoy the next days bonding with your little girl peanut.
Good luck with the delivery and welcoming Elizabeth's sister and your precious baby girl into the world.
Congratulations, Jaci! Sisters are awesome. Bonding and calling the baby by name is one of the reasons I wanted to find out the sex with both of ours. I just liked being able to get used to calling them by name before we saw them, and sort of feeling like I knew them before they even got here.
Congratulations! What a thrill!!
That's awesome. As much as it sucks having to wait until almost time to start changing diapers, what a great little boost to get you through the hardest part of pregnancy. Not much longer, though each day when you are a beached whale (or at least that's how I felt) takes forever.
Good luck, can't wait to hear her name and see pics!
Congrats to you....I loved how you told the story...and I was afraid you were going to keep us hanging there for a while...thanks for telling us....I too felt that way about bonding. I am thrilled for you. We are expecting pics and lots of them.
Congratulations!! I think there might be some subliminal messaging in your post... because I want a girl now!!! :)
Best of luck!
congrats on another lil princess.
congratulations!!!
Yay! How exciting!
Awwww -- congratulations! I'm so, so happy for you and I hope you enjoy these last days of your pregnancy feeling more and more bonded to your little girl. I totally understand how you feel -- that is exactly why we asked to find out the gender. I think I would have felt the exact same way.
Congratulations! We didn't find out for the first (boy). Found out for the second (another boy). If we have a third (which I hope we do) I think we'll be surprised again.
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