1. Walking
My stomach gets rock hard, I start to feel uncomfortable, my hips and thighs begin to burn and lock up...and maybe, just maybe, I'll spend the rest of the night feeling crampy. But bringing on labor? Nope.
Also...for any other preggos out there...if you start feeling cramps or contractions, don't be so quick to walk laps around your neighborhood to see if it's real or "speed it up". If it's real labor, nothing is going to stop it. You're better off laying down with your feet up and a big glass of water. 'Cause trust me, wasting 4 hours thinking you're in labor while walking and getting all excited only to have it peter out when you lay down sucks hard.
2. Bouncing on an exercise ball
This does nothing, but it's fun to roll around on. I'm sure it works better for postpartum sit-ups. Or at least, it better. I spent $20 on that stupid thing!
3. Spicy food
Again, nothing. Besides, if this one were true, wouldn't it make sense that women in Latin cultures would NEVER be overdue?!?
4. Pineapple
I ate 2 cans of it. Maybe it has to be fresh or it won't work? Oh, well. I didn't feel like blowing $4.99 on a fresh pineapple to find out...especially when the nectarines looked so much better and don't need to be hacked at for 10 minutes with my biggest butcher knife.
5. Castor Oil
1 tsp probably wasn't enough to do anything, but hey, I was afraid I'd hurt the baby. And? I don't want to go into labor with hemorrhoids, thankyouverymuch. Let's save those lovelies for the postpartum period, shall we?
6. Pedicure
Some women swear by this, so I gave it a shot. Maybe the magical moment happens when you hand over your credit card to the salon? That's my theory, anyway, cause Kevin gave me mine and other than pretty toes, nothing much happened.
7. Massage
Supposedly, there are pressure points on the insides of your ankles that will cause contractions. Well, let me tell you, Kevin has run through almost FIVE BOTTLES of Bath and Body Works lotion giving me nightly foot and leg rubs since...wow...month 5? Maybe earlier? and it's not throwing me into labor.
It really helps with swelling, though!
(Yes, I realize I am very pampered.)
8. Glass of wine
Oh, internets, I soooo want to try this one! Yesterday, I even waddled into the liquor store and picked up a delicious bottle...and it's sitting in the fridge just chillin'...*drool*
Kevin won't let me try this one, even though I used my famous "Centuries ago it wasn't safe to drink the water and people lived on mead and wine and spent their entire lives half lit--and yet the human race survived!!!!" argument. All it got me was a dirty look.
(See? Besides scoring mad points in Trivial Pursuit, my history major sometimes works for bizarre conversations in the middle of liquor store parking lots. That $40,000 was NOT wasted, Dad.)
9. Crying
Speaking of my worthless history major...last night at midnight my pregnant brain suddenly said, "Now is the PERFECT time to discuss going back to school full-time!" and it led to WWIII in our bedroom. The drama! The years of marital resentment! The decade worth of pent up frustration! The budget! The debts! The angst! The screaming! The glass of iced tea thrown across the room in a fit of anger! (But not before I reared back and dumped it in my own recently flat-ironed hair before launching it. Damn it.)
Anyway. By 5 am, I was sobbing weakly into a pillow and trying not to vomit.
(I'm kind of stunned that last night happened 100% sober. Wow. That's just messed up.)
Zero contractions.
10. Sex and orgasm
So far? It's not working. But, it's much more fun than #9.
Hmmm. Maybe the baby is listening to me trying out all this crazy stuff and is like, "Wha--? This woman is psycho! I'm staying in here!"
Smart child.
7 comments:
People keep telling me to go walk up a hill. NO. It HURTS to walk. And I don't wanna. So, just no. My husband keeps wink winking and I'm really not in the mood for that either. I think castor oil would make me barf... I think I'm just waiting. Oh well.
I've never thrown a glass of anything (Oh, how I want to throw a glass sometimes) but I know for 100% sure that I would get liquid in my hair. And probably in my eyes.
I know a bunch of people who went into labor a day after eating Chipotle. It's probably total crap, but hey. Chipotle is good, so you can't really lose.
Nothing worked for me, except the stress of my parents, my in-laws and hubby staring at me. I was to be induced, L&D was full so no inductions. That meant two nights of full fledged family time. Enough stress to send me into labor!
Ugh, I recall doing laps upon laps up and down the stairs in mid december cause there was 2 feet of snow on the ground. I did however find that rolling my hips while on the balance ball seemed to help. big circles "apparently" is said to help open the area in question and push baby down. Course who really knows, right?! I tried the pineapple too, and only ended up with those annoying sore bumps on my tongue. Resort to the nipples and warm compresses, or in the tub, same difference.
Consider combining numbers 2, 7, 8, and 10.
I dont know how I missed this post! I've heard the same things; they dont really work! BUT, I suppose some of them are fun to try! And yes, you're pampered. My husband wont touch my feet. I guess I need to schedule a massage and/or pedicure somewhere if I want any rubbing going on...
I wish i'd seen your post earlier. I have 5 kids, all induced except the last. I thought I'd NEVER go into labor on my own.
In November I was due to have my baby the next day via induction, "if it works". I had my neighbor, who's a professional massage therapist, do the "pressure point" massage for labor. THen I took 2 black cohosh pills.
I delivered the baby 4 hours later. Seriously, that shit works.
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