After 4 Hours and 3 Pushes...

Birth Story!!!

(Okay, I know Birth Stories are totally lame and boring and everyone groans inwardly when a woman says, "I went into labor at..." Second runner up? People who come up to you and say, "I had the weirdest dream last night...")

I'll keep this short.

Turns out the induction drama was totally pointless, because just minutes after replying to a blog comment...

*Insert Jeff Foxworthy voice saying "You know you're a Mommy Blogger when..."*

My water broke.

I had cramps earlier in the evening, but it was just like my normal false labor bull shit. They weren't painful or regular enough to time, so I was not expecting my water to just explode for no reason.

I walked into the hospital at 10 p.m. gushing fluid but with no more pain than period cramps. The nurse didn't check to see how far dilated I was (I guess messing around up in there after the water breaks ups the risk of infection) but with the way I was feeling I thought we were in for a long night.

With all that--uh, leakage--I couldn't really walk the halls, and the last thing I wanted to do was lay in bed hooked up to monitors... Then my lovely nurse suggested I try out the jacuzzi tub.

Ooooooh!

We all remember my pathetic claw foot tub, right?

I was all over the jacuzzi idea! And, since I have to pay $150 per night and 10% of the bill, I sloshed all over that tub like I was at a hotel. I even asked for some trash mags like Star! or US Weekly to take in with me. It was awesome.

I floated around in there for about 40 minutes waiting for a bad contraction to hit so I could order an epidural and spend the rest of my night hooked up in numb bliss. When they finally started, I got out and found out I was at a 6.

Then all hell broke loose.

Out of the water, laying flat on my back with those stupid monitors pinning me in one spot, the contractions felt 100 times worse. I became "That Girl"--the one moaning and groaning and scaring the shit out of the other women.

The epidural came and my contractions were coming at about--oh, 40 SECONDS APART--and I had to sit up, shut up, and not move so he didn't paralyze me with the needles jamming into my spinal cord. He was really fast and got in and out within 10 minutes...

...just long enough for me to hit 10 with the head RIGHT THERE.

Everyone in the room looked at me with a combination of "oh shit" and pity on their faces. The epidural didn't have enough time to work, so the anesthesiologist gave me a double dose of some cold juice directly into my spine and said, "I'm so sorry. I hope that does something for you."

(Words you never want to hear in the delivery room.)

When Dr. Loompa showed up at 1:20 a.m. with crazy hair and a purple dress shirt I can picture him grabbing totally at random from his closet, I was numb enough. With only three half-assed pushes, Elodie was here!

Total Labor Time: 4 hours
Pushes: 3
Tears: 1 smallElodie Nicole
Elizabeth meeting Elodie the next morning