I know you all got the memo on Mom Jeans. It's a running gag now.
Um, did you get the new memo?
DITCH THE MOM SHORTS!
You may think your khaki shorts/tank top combo looks...um...adequate...but I hate to tell you this: Khaki shorts make your ass look huge. The bland, blah color blends right in with your skin giving you the weird look of a giant butt with no crack. I don't care if you're a size 2 anorexic chain smoker, you look fat.
Don't believe me?
Look, I know it's 80 bazillion degrees outside and you're pushing a stroller stuffed full of screaming kids. I know that by the end of the day you're covered in sweat and spit-up and sticky hand prints. But shorts of any kind just look BAD.
We're not 17 anymore. We don't have taunt bronze thighs and high perky butts--we have cellulite and saddle bags. Shorts only emphasize our child-birthing hips, especially when paired with a tight tank top. *shudder*
May I suggest a better look? Like a dress?
You pull it over your head and you're done. No waist bands to dig in. No giant butt. And? You instantly feel pretty.
Come on, Moms! Let's make more of an effort this summer.
Kisses,
Jaci
19 comments:
Seriously? Some of us are a little athletic to look good in a dress (SADLY). I wish I could find a damn dress that looked good. I can't wear long shorts they chop off my legs funny so I wear booty shorts since its the only thing they make besides MOM shorts. AND all I wear are tank tops cause, guess what? I sweat like a WHORE. Its smelly and HOT and HUMID and I have to wear the least I can without giving away butt cheeks and nipples. Its whats gotta happen and I'm just damn glad I'm not a cow or I'd really be putting some people out. UHG. LOL
I just bought my first pair of shorts since I was...oh, 17. They're bermudas, I don't love them...but I was desperate. Oh, and they're dark khaki :)
Jean shorts on adults kind of make me ill though.
I'll be honest, we live in TX and I could care less what other people think. It's hot and I'll wear what I want. That being said, I don't wear shorts or tanks often, but if I did that would be my attitude. Besides, if someone is really wasting time worrying about what I look like, they have way too much time on their hands.
My hubby teases me because I neverwear shorts or tanks beyond the boundary of our yard. I will wear them in the garden or around the house, but never in public. For me, the fact that I am carrying extra weight is only a small portion of it. I am a teacher that lives in a super small rural southern town. That isjust not an image I want to battle when school starts back!
I respectfully disagree. I am a proud wearer of shorts! Not jean shorts - that is not acceptable for men or women over the age of 4.
If you have a big ass? It's going to look big in whatever you wear. Dress or shorts or pants or whatever. I've seen lots of people look good in shorts.
I'm short so I wear the 3.5 inch shorts and I think they look good. I'll watch for the stink eye when I'm at the zoo, though.
Okay, I think this is about knowing your body type. Me? My waistline SUCKS. My back fat? MMM lovely. BUT BUT BUT, my legs are my best asset. I like shorts and I love to wear them, especially here in TX where the seasons are Summer, Still Summer, Not Summer, and Almost Summer. Yep, it's hot here a LOT.
And, all shorts are different. I would not wear the "mom shorts" that are the shorter version of mom jeans - shorts with an elastic waist band and no pockets on the back. I am sad (I guess) to say that I do wear khaki and black and navy twill shorts.
Plus, a dress? When you're nursing? I would venture to say that any nursing dress you find is a MUCH bigger fashion no-no than shorts. Those nursing dresses are UG-LY! Not that I am opposed to dresses. I love them, but they just don't work for me right now.
I think it's the tucked in shirt that makes the butt look big in shorts.
I always try to find hip-length shirts, I think they look better on my pear shaped bod. And I wear longer shorts, bermuda or mid-thigh length. And I love capris!
Also, I HATE dresses. I only wear them if I absolutely have to. One of my biggest fears is that I would tuck it in the back of my underwear after going to the bathroom.
My fat thighs rub together in dresses so unless it's cool, no dresses for me. It did take me a lot of thought on what to do with the impending summer season. And, I decided screw it, I'm not going to suffer because other people may not like what i'm wearing. So, I wear shorts, and tank tops (from hollister, gasp!) They fit my tiny ass boobs though. Plus usually have room for the baby pouch i'm still rocking. As long as I'm comfortable, i'm at the point where everyone else can just deal with it. (Of course I still love you Jaci, you shorts hater)
I think it just depends on how you wear them. If you have your shirt tucked and your wearing a belt...well...that's just not flattering. But I guess when it comes to being comfortable in the heat, anything goes. Even mom shorts.
I actually think shorts can be really cute... I have a few pair from J Crew that are adorable. Would I like for my legs to be more toned (and tan!)? Hell yes! But I'm working on that, and in the meantime I refuse to sweat it out in jeans. And I'm nannying right now so dresses just aren't practical.
*sigh*
I haven't worn shorts in 4 years. I just bought a pair of capris this summer, and was thisclose to sucking it up to wear shorts because I'm sick of being miserable. Now, it's back to the jeans, because people really do care what I am wearing.
Thanks for the warning.
Yeah, this is one I have to disagree on. I have a squishy tummy (thank you 4 kids in 5 years) and will leave the tight tanks/tee's, whatever.. to flatter bellies. But my legs are the athletic legs of a runner- since I run and step my ass off 4-5 days a week!
I'm a big fan of the long short. My husband is not. He is also not a fan of short boots and a few other fashion items...the shorts are the only items on which I override his veto. But the ones I wear are long! Not the short cuffed numbers you're talking about. I'm totally with you on those.
WHOA! bad picture of Scar- I couldn't agree more...but to a degree.
Mom jeans, jorts, japris, jeggins, pleated anything- no, thanks (unless everyone's in on the joke, that is.)
Are you suggesting a moumou? If so, I'm all over that.
Here's the problem with the dress: I can't bend over, in even the longest of dresses, without either showing my lady parts off to the world, or my boob falling out of a cup or my bra showing.
I agree with the dress idea, which is how I got into the aforementioned messes. However, I just can't rock a dress that isn't to the ground if my daughter is with me. She enjoys throwing herself on the ground and rolling under the benches at the Zoo (into the geese shit), which then requires me to get on all fours and follow her under a bench to pick her up (screaming). So, since I only go to the Zoo with small people (cause why else would adults go to the Zoo), I'm going to need to rock my bermuda length shorts if it's over 90. Sorry, I'm just to f'in hot in jeans, which I will rock any other day.
But, if it helps, I'll never wear a belt, fanny pack or tuck my shirt into my waist/end of boob line....at the zoo.
Nope, can't agree with this post. I will be keeping my shorts. A dress? Not if I am chasing after a 17 month old that refuses to listen and I have to crawl, climb and run. Plus a dress makes you forget the last 10, 20, 30 pounds and can easily turn into a muumuu.
I like my khakis, my short-shorts and my bermudas!
I have always said, dress the body you have, not the body you want to have. If you dress accordingly to your age and wear clothes that highlight your best features you'll always look good no matter what size you are. I think some shorts are acceptable, it depends on body type. Personally, I wear a lot of skirts and capris. I do bermudas on occasion.
dang jaci, you sly devil... you really hit a nerve with this one... hahahaa!!
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