Oh, internets. How I love you! Whenever I have a weird question, I know I can turn to you and ask for advice, opinions, and the occasional insults of a troll.
Let's talk about marriage for a minute. After all, it is Friday, and if we were Moms on top of our game we would have a babysitter all lined up so we could have Special Daddy Time. And then, over our over-priced Chili's appetizer, we could smack our husbands with random theoretical questions and expect them to have deep, thought-provoking answers.
(And if they don't, we can roll our eyes and say, "We never TALK anymore! Why can't you TALK?!?)
((Or am I the only one who does that? Ahem.))
RANDOM THEORETICAL QUESTION: Should spouses tell each other when they feel an attraction for someone else?
Some couples share their List of People I Would Sleep With If I Wasn't Married To You. They have a few celebrities on there. Maybe an unattainable figure, like their old Math professor or that hot barely-legal lifeguard at the pool.
But what about friends? Co-workers? Someone that with a tiny bit of effort could be attainable?
Should you share that with your spouse? Or should you keep it to yourself?
22 comments:
For people we know in real life, we have a "keep it to yourself" rule. I don't want to know, and I don't want to tell.
Celebs are fair game! :)
totally keep it to yourself. Me and my husband were really best friends for a long time before it became more, and it took a long time for us to realize we can't talk about stuff like that to eachother anymore because it does tend to make the other person uncomfortable or just come off too much like you're just "buddies" hanging out. however, we do have an agreement you can cheat with one celeb if you think that they are hot enough to do in a portapotty in the middle of summer.
@ Laura - that made my day. (I'm not even kidding.)
We too don't share "people we know"... though I'm going to suggest your celeb criterion to my husband later today. :-D
I'd have to say no. After all, what's the point? I would never want to do or say something that might hurt my husband's feelings and I know he would say the same. These types of comments don't serve to strengthen a relationship so they're best left unsaid.
Maybe my husband and I are overly careful with issues like this, but ten years of being extraordinarily happy in marriage don't come by accident!
Best,
Stina
Its a fantasy for your mind only. NO sharing.
I'm going to have to answer no. We guard our marriage like Fort Knox on lock down - no one comes in...no celebrities, no one we know, no one we make up. It is he and I celebrating each other and staying continually aware that you have to "date your mate" and "keep the home fires burning". (don't you love the cliches?) The church that we attended before we got married (and for a while afterwards) had a great series on how vulnerable marriages are to affairs and I think it really left an impact on both of us. So we're very sensitive about making sure the other spouse is built up, supported, and that their needs are met (or as close to being met as you can get at some times in life). Do I acknowledge that hot guy with the six pack abs and no shirt jogging down the neighborhood? Yuppers...I say, "Geez! He should put a shirt on!" Does Hubby acknowledge the hot girl jogging in nothing but a sports bra and shorts half way up her ass? Yup...he says, "She's too skinny! She should eat a sandwich!" Do we each know inside that those freaking people out jogging in the middle of the day while we're eating McDonalds looks better than us? Of course...but we don't need to hear that.
I told my husband once that I thought a buddy of his was pretty good-looking. And I made the whole "he's on the list" comment. My husband didn't take that too well, & asked me to limit it to only people I don't know in real life. Or at least people who have never been to our house! ha!
But now 8 years into marriage, we don't care. He thinks the little secretary where he does some work is a cute little number, & I still think his buddy is dreamy.
If you are comfortable with each other enough to say anything. It shouldn't be a problem!
My husband does not like to hear about me liking other people that are not him.
Oh fun!
My husband and I do have a list of other people we're allowed to get with if they offer. Seriously, if Salma Hayek wants a piece of my husband and he wouldn't give it, I'd be shocked!
But as far as real people and real situations, we know who the other finds attractive just because we know each other (and oddly we're not exactly each others "type"), but I would NOT want to hear about a specific person he desires if it's an actual attainable person!
I am in a marriage that has had its fair share of troubles including an affair. I think in our case to voice when we find others attractive, whether "real life" people or not, would leave the other with insecurities. We would wonder if those thoughts would possibly lead to another affair or even thoughts of one. We have worked really hard to get our marriage back on track and I don't think either one of us would do something to jeopardize the trust we have rebuilt.
OH DEAR GOD JACI, CLOSE THAT CAN OF WORMS THIS INSTANT!!! It's okay to joke around but seriously, the day my husband admits that he thinks Penelope Cruz is hot, I will just die. My body will NEVAH look like hers and forever after, while we're hot & heavy, I'll be thinking, "I bet he wishes I had boobs/abs/knees/whatever like that beyotch Penelope Cruz." But I'm psycho like that. A wee bit insecure. I mean other women aren't insecure about comparing their bodies to celebrity women, are they??.....
Oh lord, my hubbie would s%#@ a brick if I made a list like that!
That, my dear, is just asking for trouble with a capital T. That needs to be kept to yourself (or himself). The occasional celebrity or unattainable, ok. That's all in fun. But otherwise? Nope.
Eh, if it's a totally unattainable person, like a celeb, I think that it's fair game. If it' a co-worker or a friend ... well, you're only human and crushes happen. Should you tell your hubby/expect your hubby to tell you about those crushes? I wouldn't. I think it's best to keep your feelings to yourself for the sake of your relationship. Bringing it up with your man will just cause unwanted friction and probably distrust in the long run. Just my 2 cents.
I don't think you should share? What's the point?? Tell a friend, not your spouse!
Definitely keep it to yourself! Why create an insecurity in the other person?
Celebs - yep - all in fun.
Anyone else... honestly... "find attractive"... i can't imagine finding anyone more attractive to me than Mr. B..... I've waited 36 years to find someone like him... there's just no one else who could be him
I don't think there is a blanket answer to this question, I think it depends on the relationship. My husband and I do talk about other people we find attractive, and we joke about it, and it's fine with both of us. But I think they key is that it has to be fine with BOTH people. I also think it depends on the history of the relationship - if you've experienced infidelity, you might be more sensitive to your partner talking about finding someone else attractive. If you know it bothers your significant other, you should probably keep it to yourself and vice versa.
I think it depends...really...I am all about celebs...I like to make him jealous, like he ISN'T the only man on the planet, so he DARN WELL better chase after me still...but then if it's someone that has a crush on you, and you're picking up on it, and you don't neccessarily dig it...tell...if it's just...dude that guy's hot...keep it to yourself, he's just gonna get pissed... ;)
Tell a friend, not the hubs. Nobody cares about celebs! Although we joke about how hot someone is in real life, they just are not close buddies with us, that would be weird if i had a close friend my husband wanted to bang...and i knew about it.
hey,
we are a couple for 2 years now, and we can talk about this things. i mean, i don't go to my husband and tell him, hey, your friend is hot, i want to have sex with him!
but if we start a discussion "who do you like/which friend is sexy/etc" we can talk about it, respectfully and honest.
some of his friends are totally hot, and i know which friends of mine he thinks that they are sexy. so what? i don't cheat on him, he doesn't cheat, it's just a fantasy and nothing more. i can trust and rely on him
I think people you know is a no-no. People that are even the slightest bit attainable, also a no-no. That just plants doubt in a persons mind. In my case I would think "why he is telling me? Maybe he is already doing something with her..."
Now, if we are out and I see someone attractive, etc. I will gladly say "damn, if I was single and hot, I'd do them."
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