Wal-Mart check out, 5:22 pm. The line is eight carts long because Little Miss Emo sulking behind register 7 can't keep her hands off the cell phone in her pocket, and your kid starts Shit Storm 2010 over a roll of Sprees.
Olive Garden, 6:43 pm. Your toddler bangs his sippy cup off the table while yelling in his "I'm happy" voice, and witches if you take his cup away. Baby boomers glare and sigh loudly about how "If people can't control their kids, they should stay home."
Park, 3:15 pm. It's time to leave, and your child falls out on the cedar chips moaning and screaming and acting like you are trying to abduct her. Every mom stares and shakes her head as you threaten spankings, early bedtime, and homicide.
Pick a scenario...we've all been there at some point.
Every kid tantrums. Period. But we're all too quick to look at the Mom and assume she's to blame. Why can't she control her kid? Why can't she shut him up? Hasn't she taught her any better? Why does she put up with it?
As I get to know more and more moms, I realize that we all want to run away and hide when our kids start up. No one likes the stares and comments. No one ignores the behavior or shrugs it off. We're all painfully conscious of it.
There are also Moms with children who should be well past the tantrum stage, but are dealing with developmental issues that the public can't see. Like Reactive Attachment Disorder. Or the Autism Spectrum. These Moms live with the stink eye on a daily basis.
I read a post were one mom wished she could think of snappy comebacks to throw at people who butt in to her parenting. It got me thinking... What if we Moms sent a nod of encouragement to the new mom bouncing her screaming baby in the restaurant? Just a little smile to say, "It's okay. I've been there."
Or how about talking to the toddler ripping candy off the shelves? Squatting down and helping to put the candy back? Just a little distraction could diffuse that situation long enough for Mom to get her bags and get out of there.
I'll even go one step farther... What if--instead of walking away and pretending we don't see it--what if we walked up to Mom struggling with her autistic son in the cereal aisle and asked, "Is there any way I can help?"
It sounds so simple. Motherhood! Sisterhood! RAWR! But really, I know when I'm tired and irritated I'm passing out my share of evil looks. And judgment. And the last thing I want to do is try to be helpful and have some woman tell me to F-off and mind my own business.
So what do you think, internet? Should we try to help each other, or are snarky comebacks the answer?
15 comments:
Nice comments to my kids, ect. Its all fine and dandy, but i really hate being asked if I need help! Especially when I have nothing going on!! My kids are fine, I have one in a wrap and I'm reaching for a box of cereal well within my reach... I DONT NEED HELP THANK YOU!! IM NOT COMPLETELY INSANE FOR HAVING 3 UNDER 3 THANK YOU!
alright, sorry. Bad day.
Personally it never bothers me when kids act up unless the parent does nothing about it. If the kid is screaming and the mom just sits there ignoring then I get irritated. (that happend and the kid screamed untill the waitress gave him a sucker)
Honestly, the reason I don't help...ANYMORE...is because of the reaction I have gotten. You are dam*ed if you do and Dam*ed if you don't. Also, I work in retail so I see this a good deal. I see lots of kids with their parents in Lottery Yarn. Some you can just tell that they are tired of being dragged around the mall. I totally get it. These are the kids you smile at and distract. The ones I cannot stand are the obvious serial misbehavers. They are easy to spot. They are the ones jumping on the sofas, throwing items, pulling things off shelves... and their parents don't give it a second glance. I know that not every parent is like that. I really do. I also know that ignoring behavior is something that some parents subscribe to but...when it damages property or really bothers other people (meaning above and beyond, not simple yelling). Maybe a different tact is needed at that time. Hats off to you moms though. I don't think I could do it.
Uhh I am one of those moms that has the screaming kids at Walmart, a couple of weeks ago another mom walked by and asked if I wanted their package of apples that were unopened from McDonalds and I appreciated it soo much because it shut my kids up and she was super nice sayin its the only thing she can do to also shut her kids up! I think it really just depends on the person, I have tried to help others to when Im at work and some take gladly others look pissy when you help so in other words I totally belive in helping others out, if they do get pissed at you at least you can think to yourself you were trying to be nice! Great post by the way!
One day I saw a mom struggling with a screaming kid and she was so flustered and said, "I'm SO sorry." I just started laughing and said, "I'm just glad it's not me today!" That made her laugh so now I always say that when someone is apologizing for their kid. We've all been there.
I absolutely, completely agree with you. I REALLY try hard not to judge people because I HAVE been there. And sometimes a kind smile or word can make all the difference between me standing my ground, and holding my head up and me bursting into tears myself.
Theoretically, we should help. But, as others have said, it's not always welcome.
I believe so or at the very least give looks of sympathy or been there done that.
I get alot of judgmental looks from ppl that say, man you shouldn't have had that many kids. But every once in a while someone will help by distracting the kids.
Those people are angles I tell you, angles.
I think it depends on the situation. There are plenty of times when I try to help, or give a smile and nod that says "I've been there"...especially at places like the park or with newborns. Although, here are also other times when I judge. If you are sitting at the park reading your book while your child is being a bully to everyone on the play ground...I'm judging. Sorry. (this actually happened and I've never wanted to smack a 3 year old so much!)
That being said, Aiden desperately wanted IHop one day, so we went, along with the rest of town. Ian was beyond antsy with our 20 min wait and a woman got down to his level and played with his cars and talked him...and basically saved me from up and leaving with him tossed over my shoulder. Sometimes, it's so nice to have someone else take over!
I have a giant for a toddler (2 yrs old) so when she throws a fit in the store, I get the looks like, you're child is too old for that shit! So my comeback is, don't you love the terrible twos? People then usually look apoligetically at me, and start up saying "Oh my, is she ever tall for her age".
I would welcome help any day, especially if I'm in town without my hubby.
CBG
canadianbloggergirl.blogspot.com
Depending on the situation, I have one thing that I will say to a frazzled mom, but trying her best (you can always tell!). I put my hand on her arm and say, "The good news is that they eventually grow up." 95% of the time it gives the mom (or dad) a chuckle and a moment's respite from the little not-so-darling.
I try not to be judgemental toward the other moms, but sometimes it's really clear that motherhood is not their best thing! I feel so sorry for their kids!
Eh this isn't a black/white issue. Some moms have the glazed look over their face as their 3-yr old is screaming for their sippy cup out of the diaper bag that they can't reach. Meanwhile mom is busy looking at sunglasses or dvds. Yeah. That's annoying as hell.
Other times, you can tell mom is just trying to finish grocery shopping, but little sammie wanted oreos and when mommy said no, he threw a fit.
It's usually obvious when mom is trying vs when she just tunes out her kid(s).
That being said, my mom is really good at helping regardless. She just looks at the screaming kid and says "it's alright, you're okay!"
One day in the Dollar Store, I warned my darling 3 year old if he didn't pipe down and quit asking for toys, I would get out of the check out line and we'd go home without buying a single thing..Then he tried me and I picked him up, put him over my shoulder kicking and screaming and headed out...almost everyone looked at me like "geez, just buy the damn $ toy" except for this wonderful old lady who chased me down in the parking lot to compliment me on following through with my threat. Gave me the confidence to do it again if need be...but it only took once! He's now 9 and still remembers that day very clearly!
It's funny because just last night I was out to eat with my 1 year old, I left my 3 year old at home with the hubby. At the table right beside us was a couple with their two boys that were not much older than mine. Their boys were going nuts, screaming and crying and carrying on. I watched them for a minute and started to laugh as the parents were threatening spankings. The mom saw me and confronted me about what I thought was so funny. I told her that I couldn't help but laugh because it was refreshing for me to know that it's not just my kids that act like that and not just me that threatens to spank them in public. I always get those looks from other parents because my kids are always the ones going insane. It truly was refreshing to see someone else have to deal with it too and that it wasn't just me.
You certainly ask good questions. I am awed by the thoughtful and diverse comments.
I usually smile at kids, or make faces. I'm pathalogically shy, so I don't talk to adults much, but I pick up stuff if a kid drops it. And once a lady with several kids who were a little cranky looked like she was going to cry, and I told her I admired her patience and that the kids were really well behaved considering it was such a long line.
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