Your husband looks deep into your eyes (or maybe he avoids making eye contact?) and mutters: "Your weight is...I don't know how to say this, but I'm just not attracted to you anymore."
Then you wake up screaming and punch your husband at 2 am for being a douche in your dream. And spit out, "You know, you're sporting a little pregnancy pooch yourself so don't even--"
Or is it being a douche?
Do you want your spouse to be honest with about your weight (and it's effects on the relationship) or avoid the subject at all cost with a "love me, love my newly sprung fat roll" attitude?
I am hyper sensitive to weight topics, so I wouldn't want Kevin saying one word to me about my lumpy bits. If he did, that pretty much guarantees that he will nevah, evah touch me again. The End.
But, still...I shouldn't have a license to let myself go to pot because he put a ring on my finger. If I were laying around in an egg stained bathrobe and eating Moose Tracks straight out the cartoon with a serving spoon for the 3rd month in a row--then yeah, we've got a problem. And he should call me on it. And if I get upset about it, then maybe I'm the one acting like a douche.
Hmmm... What do you think?
19 comments:
My first instinct is to say no way. I can only imagine how insecure that would make me feel. But on further thought, I guess I'd want to know if he was no longer attracted to me so I could do something about it. And possibly prevent him from finding someone else.
I'd want him to tell me, but he actually like me fluffier than I'd like to be so if he says I'm fat, I'M FAT. But yea, I'd want him to be honest.
I think if I was trying to eat healthy and stay healthy, I wouldn't want him to say anything. Especially if he knew how crazy life is with little ones and that there just ISN'T a 1 hour block available everyday to exercise. If the kids were in school all day and I was home by myself all day baking and eating, then I think he would have a right to say something.
I don't think your husband saying anything about your weight should be necessary. If he married you for better or worse than I would hope it's for thinner or fatter. Having babies is hard work and losing the weight after isn't easy. Loving you should be unconditional and he should know that saying something about your weight would bother you and why would he want to do that?
I guess it's all in how it's said. "Damn baby, can I get some coffee to go with that Muffin top?" BAAAAAD
Much Better "Babe... I'm getting some love handles here and I hate it. Can we start walking around the block after dinner? I know it'll be easier with you doing it with me." See... he didn't even POINT the finger at me...
In the end I want him to be honest with me. I'd rather have him be honest and be hurt a little, than have him go get his cookies frosted someplace else and get hurt a lot.
My husband can totally call me out. But! Only if he acknowleges the spare tire HE is sporting.
I think I would take it so personal if he said anything just because I do try eat healthy and work out several times a week, yea I would prolly go ape s&%# on him! He wouldnt be touching me either!
Absolutely not do I want to hear that from him. I can see. I know when I am too fat, I do not need him to point it out to me.
It would be like me telling him he is not making enough money. Unimaginable. If its true, he knows it, and to say it would be cruel
And the idea that he would go elsewhere if he was not attracted to me makes me very sad--isnt that prohibited by marriage covenants.
Laughing with my head on my office desk at Hot Tub Lizzy's comment!!
If I'm a little fluffy, then he can suggest we BOTH go to the gym - cause we're both sporting a little extra baggage. Otherwise, don't tell me what I already know. stupid jeans.
I think most people would agree that the delivery will impact the response. I seriously have friends who have been in complete denial when they gain weight. Its better to control the situation at plus-20lbs than at plus-50 :)
The husband can kindly mention that we should eat healthier and find the time to exercise. Many women say its hard to diet if he wants fatty foods and doesn't offer to play with the baby so I can do pilates. To answer your question, I don't want him pointing out my wobbly bits, that isn't nice lol! But he can be encouraging because most of us don't enjoy all that extra "uck stuff" after having a baby.
Speaking of, let me rant. I was fine with my body after Silas was born until recently. The skin that hangs over and gets tucked into.. Well everything is just so icky!! I've never been small, but I never had hangover skin stretch across both of my hip bones. Its like a huge bitchy smiley face for me to see every time I look in the mirror naked. To end this on a positive note, at least my c-section scar is hidden? Ehh who am I kidding. I'd rather see the scar than all that skin!!
It's been 11 months since I had my baby, and my weight will not budge. I run 40 minutes 5 times a week, teach dance 20 hours a week, eat nothing but grilled chicken, steamed veggies and brown rice, and still no weight loss. Hubby told me all that matters to him is that I'm trying, whether or not he's telling the truth, I don't know. But I'm happy knowing, or thinking, he's happy with my efforts.
When we got married, my husband and I established a weight limit. It was a joke (because who really only gains 15 lbs between the ages of 27 and death... if you know these people, tell them I hate them), but at the same time it was an agreement that we would always do our best to stay healthy and active.
Based on said agreement, we each retain the right to make mention of weight gain in the other. I gained 50 lbs with our son, who is 12 weeks, and I still have half of it to lose. My husband says he likes my new shape. That said, he likes it because we have an adorable boy and because I'm working on losing the weight.
Short answer... I want him to be honest with me.
I would like for him to be honest with me. Knowing me, I'll blow up about him saying anything to me about it but realistically, I want to know. I'd like to say I don't have the time to do anything about it but I'm a stay at home mom and I'm not the most mobile one. I try to keep myself busy but the first instance I sit down, I have a hard time prying myself back up. If I start getting a bit paunchy (paunchier) I want him to tell me, knowing that he notices tends to motivate me to do something about it.
If my husband thought I was getting fat, and actually SAID SO, I'd probably #1 - get offended, then #2 - tell him, "YOU'RE IN LUCK. I AM GOING TO GO JOIN THE GYM RIGHT NOW. YOU CAN STAY HOME WITH THE 5 KIDS. AND PREPARE HEALTHY LO-CAL MEALS. BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, I'LL BE SO BUSY WORKING OUT." Then I would totally do it. Because if he's got the balls to say it, so do I.
I think we all know when we're not looking our best or when we're not in tip top shape. It's really a matter of whether we can get away with it or not - meaning does the Hubs care? If my hubs was not attracted to me, I would absolutely want to know. If I wasn't attracted to him, I would tell him.
I would want to be called out - but perhaps not in the "I'm not attracted to you" sort of way. Probably more from the "lets get you healthy" angle. And I would only be receptive to a plan that involves moose tracks, because life isn't worth living without some ice cream.
Jaci, I've been married 25 hundred years. I was slim for about ten minutes when we got married and after our first child was born, but I still think Bob married a skinny chick. Bob has gotten a pooch (finally! about 40 years old, ten years ago) and he talks about how fat and unattractive he is. Please. At least now he doesn't weigh less than I do.
GROAN...I am SOOOO there right now...!! I hate my after baby body...it's the worst its ever been...I don't really like him to touch me, but at the same time, I want him to act like he is attracted to me...yep...I'm pretty much messed up. Man, if he said anything, I would cut my fat roll out myself...
This is definitely an interesting topic. I got really fat in the last few years. At my heaviest I was 267 pounds and now have lost 50. I CANT BELIEVE that my husband never said anything to me - I look at pictures from then and can't believe how I looked. It didn't seem like he ever stopped being attracted to me, so I guess that's a good thing. We do talk openly about our weights, but we are both trying to do something about it together.
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