Dear Neighborhood Kids:
I noticed last year that a lot of you lazy tubsters couldn't be bothered to walk the extra ten steps to my porch to let me hand you a Reeses. Instead, you stared at my house in dismay and waddled over to my neighbor, sitting at the end of her driveway in a lawn chair with a huge bowlful of Tootsie Rolls on her lap.
If you were running down the street, dragging your candy bags and shouting, "Hurry! We only have 15 more minutes!" I would laugh and walk out to road to save you time. But when you're waddling at a snail's pace, whining "I have enough candy! Can we go home now?" I'm going to park my ass in my chair and make you come to me.
It's Halloween! And it only lasts for an hour. If you're winded after 40 minutes of walking around your neighborhood in 55 degree weather, buddy, you have issues. Should I pass out protein bars and cans of Diet Coke?
Tween girls: Just say no to the slutty costumes, 'kay? There are like, two registered child offenders in the neighborhood. Srsly. If you're old enough to wear hooker boots, you're old enough to run to Sheetz and pick up your own Reeses. And a pack of Virginia Slims.
Also? Say thank you. I don't owe you a thing.
Jaci
13 comments:
Last year we got a TON of trick or treaters at our house but after about half an hour I began to notice that all of them were those kids that are entirely too old for it (dressed in what they wore to school that day w/ maybe some face paint) OR moms carrying their INFANTS (who you know are not near old enough to eat anything except for some mushed peas)!
It was baffling and ridiculous...
Halloween lasts one hour? Here the kids start at 5 and go till like 8 or 9 pm!
CBG
canadianbloggergirl.blogspot.com
One hour? Really? Ours lasts FOUR hours. And people start showing up at noon. I made signs last year saying "Trick or Treat hours are 3:30-7:30pm" to try to minimize the early birds. I won't answer my door before 3:30.
And if they have enough, they can go home, right? Do they really get that tired? Poor kids - look how they're being raised. And by whom?
We get one set of kids - sisters from across the way. I kind of miss the whole Halloween thing from our old neighborhood.
If one of my girls forgets to say thank you, I make them give the candy back.
I'm such a jerk, I don't even hand out candy. I'm way too cheap and those kids are way too...bratty! hahha!
One year a mother and a little girl came to our door and I gave the little girl her candy. Then, shock of all shocks, the mom asked for hers! Slow old lady that I am, I gave it to her without even thinking. I shut the door and said to myself, "What the %$#$( was that???"
My other favorite thing is when 17 year old boys go trick or treating and they DON'T DRESS UP! 17 is too old but at least put on a wig or something. I give them candy because I'm nice like that (plus I don't want my cars egged) Maybe they could bring a little kid along. See above.
From: Jodi who can never remember my password!!
My favorite is when the older kids are trick or treating and don't want to say trick or treat when they walk up to me. If they don't say it, I don't give them anything!! Let's see, you aren't too proud to go trick or treating but you are too proud to say trick or treat!?! Oh it drives me crazy!!
Ours lasts 4+ hours (I also do the hours of operation signage). We get about 400 kids.
I think my biggest pet peeve is the huge group of ADULTS with one infant in the group (last year, one of kids was 3 weeks old!) that come around and they all take candy. No other kids, just a baby.
One group last year reeked of weed. Okay, I get that group. Clearly good decision making skills were not in their reality. They were all 19-20 years old, had babies and drug habits. Taking candy on Halloween was the least offensive item on the list.
But who are these adults that take their BABIES to total strangers houses and get candy for the baby?
Let's be real here, your 3 week old can't eat the Butterfinger you just took.
Used to live in a border city and would get vanloads of people from Mexico. One year, a group of them came to the door with garbage bags to collect candy. Dutifully, I gave the kids, who were in costume, their candy and commented on how "ooooh, scary!" they were. I started to close the door when the moms, neither in costume, stuck their huge green lawn-n-leaf bags in and DEMANDED, "Where's our candy?"
Seriously???
I politely responded, "Where's your costume?" and closed the door.
Fun times.
Used to live in a border city and would get vanloads of people from Mexico. One year, a group of them came to the door with garbage bags to collect candy. Dutifully, I gave the kids, who were in costume, their candy and commented on how "ooooh, scary!" they were. I started to close the door when the moms, neither in costume, stuck their huge green lawn-n-leaf bags in and DEMANDED, "Where's our candy?"
Seriously???
I politely responded, "Where's your costume?" and closed the door.
Fun times.
that's hilarious. We actually put a bowl of candy on our porch when we take the kiddo out for a bit and I always say, hmm wonder who is just going to take the whole dang bowl. Interestingly enough, hasn't happened yet. My Aidan still is learning moderation is candy-taking LOL (at least he is 4 and not 12).
I am pretty sure that when I was a kid I walked MILES to ensure maximum candy collection. I complained when it was time to STOP. What the heck, today's kids?
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