It's supposed to be reassuring (Good News, Working Mom! You're Not F-ing Up Your Kid!).
"A review of nearly 70 studies conducted over 50 years shows that children whose mothers went back to work within three years of their birth were no more likely to have academic or behavioral problems than children of stay-at-home-moms, according to a report in the Psychological Bulletin."
...but it's kind of tearing down Sacred SAHMdom. I mean, if kids all equal out in merit and intelligence and behavior anyway, then why stay at home? SAHMs are sacrificing their own careers to be a major influence in their child's life! They are giving their kids a gift! They feel called to be at home! They...aren't making that big of a difference?!?!
I stayed home for 2 1/2 years with Elizabeth. I put in my hours of floor-time and nap duty and temper tantrums and play dates and believe me, I couldn't wait to get back to work. The SAHM life was too isolating for me. (Actually, I discovered I'm an Energy Leech and I need to feed off the positive productivity of others or I end up lying around in a stained T-shirt watching Maury read paternity results, too depressed to move.)
Some days I was a great SAHM, other days I was the semi-crazy woman wandering around Target stuffing popcorn into her kid's sobbing mouth because gawd I have to get out of the house today or I. shall. run. mad. If some researcher told me my Sacred SAHMdom didn't help Elizabeth earn any extra intellect points, I'd have to chuckle and agree with him. "Why, yes sir, we did watch a lot of Playhouse Disney while Mommy surfed the internet..."
But I refuse to believe that my time at home had (and still has) no effect.* I refuse to believe that there is no real difference between a child spending time with her mother and a child spending time with a babysitter. Maybe the differences just aren't as extreme as behavior issues and failing grades?
And maybe, instead of hiding behind the ridiculous PC battle cry of "Every mom makes the right choice for her own family! And it will all work out in the end! So shut up!" we should fight for ways to help mothers and children spend more time together--like extended maternity leave and more flexible uses for personal-time and on-site, employer provided day-cares and preschools.
But you know me. I'm just a starry-eyed dreamer.
*Disclaimer: I didn't write this to flame on working moms. Hello? I am one.
6 comments:
Here here!! Mommy does love staying home with me, and feels very lucky to be able to do so, but it *is* a sacrifice - and a challenge living on a single income!
This post made me smile :) then it made me slap my forehead and wonder why these reasons didn't make the "why I'm a SAHM" list. For me, it's more primitive than that. I want this experience and I want to be there. If I was still working, I'd be a depressed working mom who had to pump herself full of drugs just to get through the day.
I think you're right, we need to support and encourage each other regardless of what we do. We shouldn't have this working vs SAHM battle.
What a great post! We have all talked here about what a difference it would make to us as moms if there was on-site daycare. Yeah, for the mamas first coming back to work after maternity leave, they probably wouldn't be very "productive" but they'd be happier and they would find that balance of checking on junior and getting crap done at work. And I'm a firm believer that employers should embrace extended maternity leave. I was fortunate enough to take all three months of my leave and I still felt short changed - I wasn't ready to come back.
My suggestion is making sure that the time we are spending with out kids is QUALITY time. No phones, email, internet, or TV (no easy task for today...at least in my world).
Any time you give them-- whether 2 hours before you go to bed because that is all you have, or time spread out through the day, because you are able to stay at home-- is going to have a lasting effect on them and they will eat.it.up.
Did you read the whole article? This para might reassure you:
"The children of women who went back to full-time work within a year of giving birth were more likely to have achievement issues and conduct or aggression issues later on, than if their mothers worked part-time or not at all. If a woman waited until the second or third year of her child's life, the likelihood her child would develop such problems evaporated."
The article also differentiates between low, single and high income families and the corresponding impact of a working mum.
I disagree with you, Jaci.
I have a happy, well-adjusted ball of adorable to prove it. She's at the babysitter right now, playing with the other little girl her age. In 5 months, I'll have three kids and will be returning to work full time. By choice, even! Because I won't lie to you, we could live almost an identical lifestyle on either one of our incomes. We both want to work.
Here's another thing: I come from a teenage pregnancy, a family of divorce, with parents who all worked full time. So I should, at the very least, be in jail! Or in a mental institution! Or a menace to society! Except I'm not. My marriage is rock solid, I graduated with honors with my bachelor and master degree, I have a successful career, and I can legitimately say that I'm HAPPY. No bullshit.
I spend time with Olivia - she gets literally 100% of my focus - every evening and weekend. I always enjoy every second and never feel the urge to run mad. She prefers me over everyone with that famewhore Elmo running a close second.
I'm sure I could hide behind a list of articles that back up my life choices but I don't need to. I'm living proof that it is fine either way - whatever you pick, you need to kick ass at it. Nobody will ever convince me that two working parents screw up a child.
Screwed up people screw up their children.
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