Comments on Ravings of a Mad Housewife: Motherhood is a Calling (Just Like Every Other Cal...

this was brilliant. i'm just sayin.

2011-08-16T23:20:10.269-04:00

this was brilliant. i'm just sayin.

Mitch Taylor, that was great!! Enter: polite smil...

2011-08-11T18:16:20.734-04:00

Mitch Taylor, that was great!! Enter: polite smiling! How many times have I done that?

I wish everyone walked around in Jaci's mindfr...

2011-08-11T15:11:59.351-04:00

I wish everyone walked around in Jaci's mindframe all the time.
I'd like people more. There'd also never be a dull moment.

Let me tell you about a little situation that I find myself in since being a mother (and since I need to keep my ankle elevated and iced for a few minutes right now during naptime, I can).

I know working moms that, when the subject of time with our children comes up and with them knowing I'm a SAHM, constantly say, "Oh, I WISH I could do that, but I just don't have a CHOICE". That is usually backed up with some sort of comment about how they wish they had my kind of time.

Meanwhile, (and follow me here) they know that I know that they know that they do have a choice as they are saying this to me. We know what the other knows and what we all can and can't do.

Enter: Polite smiling.

The fact of the matter is, these moms do have choices and we both know it. They just choose to live a particular lifestyle, one that I do not. They actually COULD stay at home, live in the size house we live in, shop once in a blue moon for clothes, wear nothing but flip flops and never eat out or go on vacations more than once a year.

But then, they wouldn't be able to afford the things they want and want to do. It is their insecurities showing through in front of me. I've concluded that they must feel like I'm looking at them the way they must feel sometimes or have some kind of mommy-not-home-all-the-time guilt that they feel they need to confront, not with themselves, but with me. They behave as if their decisions to be members of certain country clubs, wear certain labels, drive certain cars and go certain places took precedence over deciding to spend time working to have these things and live these lives over spending that time with their children.

One word: IDontGiveADa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-amn.
I grew up with money, I don't live that way now as a married woman. End of story. We go without because of my choice to stay at home. Judge me, that's fine, but take your own unresolved inner-conflict to someone who can help you. I just want to hang out! I want to talk about the last episode of The Vampire Diaries and how I'm too old to be watching that show in the first place. I don't want to measure our vaginas. I want everyone to walk out feeling good about WHEREVER the hell their life has taken them.

I look at those vintage style greeting cards that have circa 1940 photos of a group of women laughing together in matching swimskirts and big sunglasses with captions like "Just the Girls" and long for that kind of bond, but I have only encountered competition as far as the eye can see when in a room full of moms.

It upsets me that they feel like they need to justify their decisions. It makes everyone uncomfortable and creates distance between us women. I don't give a damn if they want to work for WHATEVER reason. To each his own!

As a mother and a woman who heads a Christian fait...

2011-08-10T17:14:02.374-04:00

As a mother and a woman who heads a Christian faith based agency that serves low income youth and families, I read this all the while nodding my head in agreement with you.

I do believe I was called into my line of work, considering I was on the road to earning plenty of money when God called me to serve...yep it was his will. At the same time I had kids...

I have met too many good Christian women back when I trying to be an uber Christian who would give me the side eye because I work. Of course they would say oh well you are doing the Lord's work too.

Look this sorta of thinking not only fuels the mommy wars but frankly makes people look at Christians with the side eye. It's not productive.

Oh my gosh, if I'd been drinking just now I wo...

2011-08-10T01:36:42.228-04:00

Oh my gosh, if I'd been drinking just now I would have sprayed it all over my screen when I read Big Fat Girl's comment.

I agree with you - we all do what we do, and there are SO many callings to be answered. Being in certain places at certain times... it seems like so often a reason becomes apparent. Great post.

Well Done!

2011-08-08T12:01:17.817-04:00

Well Done!

THANK YOU. This post is so right on I can't e...

2011-08-07T10:40:30.824-04:00

THANK YOU. This post is so right on I can't even express how much I agree.

I'm a Christian woman that just so happens to work full-time. Before that I worked from home and for a short period I was a SAHM. When I went back to work, my SAHM friend pretty much wrote me off and I barely speak to them. Somehow they think they are better mothers because they stay home and I've never once confronted their arrogance because I felt it wasn't worth it. I think I might send them links to your post. Or not. :) Not worth it.

again, thank you for writing this!

As a teacher, I am well aware of how important the...

2011-08-07T02:03:50.079-04:00

As a teacher, I am well aware of how important the first 5 years of life are for development and bonding, etc, but once a kid hits school age, they spend more hours a day with their TEACHERS instead of their parents, and not nearly as many people worry about that! Sometimes I think people just get really hung up about little kids just because we find them so precious, not necessarily because they need so much more than any other age. I teach middle school and it too is such a critial age for parental support and involvement, but most people don't worry about that either!

Um... I prefer to go with a more minute-by-minute...

2011-08-06T22:19:43.958-04:00

Um...

I prefer to go with a more minute-by-minute calling... like... right now I'm called to catch up on all the blogs I missed whilst on vacation... and in a few minutes I'm going to be called to go to the bathroom....

You and I see things very similarily. Right now I'm being called to misspell something.

Amen! As SAHM turn a working mom-- I love this!...

2011-08-05T22:06:39.534-04:00

Amen!

As SAHM turn a working mom-- I love this!

Bridgette - No slaughtering here! In fact, we tot...

2011-08-05T21:12:31.373-04:00

Bridgette - No slaughtering here! In fact, we totally agree on the idea of callings and the stigma of SAHM.

I disagree with the suffering/persecuted/angry attitude of the article. Charging our entire culture with hating children is ridiculously extreme--especially since our culture has been accused of being the kid's friend instead of a parent, spoiling, and worshiping some mythical idea of Childhood. Her sweeping claims about Raging Child Hate don't ring true.

The article (and the various reactions it sparked elsewhere) just reminded me of a bigger issue I've noticed fueling Christian SAHMs: Higher Calling.

I'm probably going to be slaughtered for shari...

2011-08-05T10:52:35.925-04:00

I'm probably going to be slaughtered for sharing this opinion, but I read the Desiring God post and thought it was wonderful. Our society is so down on moms (and children) that if you stay at home (or have more than 2.3 children) you are looked down upon as a second rate citizen. You don't have an income, you don't have insurance, etc. I don't think the post was saying that your calling as a Mom was greater than any other calling. Our work is to His kingdom first, and we (the believers) are all called to this work no matter our occupation.

I worked outside the home for the first two years of my son's life and now I regret missing those moments with him. God used those two years to teach me something though, I can't be a good daughter to Him, great wife, great mom, and great employee all at the same time.

I do think every woman should make every effort to stay at home with their little ones before they go off to school. Who can do the job better? When I really had a heart to stay at home was in college when my boss at the daycare said that exact thing, "You will spend more waking hours with these children than their parents." How sad is that? But, if both parents work 40 hours a week how true is it?

Is staying at home hard? Yes! Is it a sometimes lonely job? Yes! But, if I consider it part of my sanctification process I know that I must be joyful in all of my circumstances. Is it more important than what my husband does? No! We both work to follow God's call, it just looks differently for each of us.

Well put my dear. You are 100% on target.

2011-08-05T09:14:53.624-04:00

Well put my dear. You are 100% on target.

So true. I love to hear that famous line from peo...

2011-08-05T04:08:08.207-04:00

So true. I love to hear that famous line from people who just know they've got it right-- "Why would you even have kids if you are going to pay someone else to do your job?"

Best thing I've read all year. Well said!

2011-08-04T23:29:16.636-04:00

Best thing I've read all year. Well said!

God may have called moms to be at work showing the...

2011-08-04T20:28:16.189-04:00

God may have called moms to be at work showing their love of Christ by example to their co-workers. It is hard to be a stay at home mom and a working(outside the home) mom. Most moms work parttime and fulltime at home. I do. and I am exhausted and single, now. I was forced to get a job by the court to help meet the household costs (I got lucky cuz I love my job) but then it was held against me at my divorce trial. funny!! NOT and expensive ($16,000). I only work 21 hours a week outside the home and with 5 of my 8 kids still minors it is a lot of work at home.

I keep hearing that song I learned as a child in my head.... "..and they will know we are Christians by our love, by our love."

These kinds of pronoucements from people who insis...

2011-08-04T19:12:11.042-04:00

These kinds of pronoucements from people who insist that only they (and their cohorts) know exactly what God wants for us and what is "right" make me absolutely crazy! I cannot believe there is only one way that God wants us all to be. If that were so, why would we all be so different??

And I sure don't believe that those know-it-all, judgemental, and smug "Christians" have a direct line to anything but their own and others' very human opinions and God had very little, if anything, to do with it!

I certainly hope that God has more important things to do than "talk" to just them about whether or not it's required that all children be raised by stay at home moms.

One of my favorite posts. Great writing.

2011-08-04T15:51:11.016-04:00

One of my favorite posts. Great writing.

Love this post! My SIL is a SAHM & swears th...

2011-08-04T15:42:39.570-04:00

Love this post!

My SIL is a SAHM & swears that it's what all women should do. The hubs & I have told her time & time again that we love her, but she's full of shit. Whenever I have a kid I'm still planning on working my full time job. Good for you if you want to stay home with the youngens but it's definitely not for everyone.

ABSOLUTELY AGREE. Amen & amen! :)

2011-08-04T15:42:11.070-04:00

ABSOLUTELY AGREE. Amen & amen! :)

Love this. Right there with ya.

2011-08-04T15:26:46.339-04:00

Love this. Right there with ya.

Amen! I hate it when people tell me I'm doing...

2011-08-04T14:47:32.371-04:00

Amen!

I hate it when people tell me I'm doing God's work by staying home. Really? Because some days it feels like this crap is Satan's bidding.

I like this.. :)

2011-08-04T13:55:54.832-04:00

I like this.. :)

AMEN! i totally agree!

2011-08-04T13:48:24.019-04:00

AMEN! i totally agree!